Just one more thing to do before you leave ...

IT was hardly the first dawn ram-raid witnessed on the Northside, but it was one of the most surprising.

Bertie leapt out of his Mercedes at 7.57am, knowing the president was due to leave for the airport just 13 minutes later. So while the head of state was busy running around the Áras trying to find her passport and checking she had cancelled the milk, the Taoiseach was mithering her to dissolve the 29th Dáil.

The momentous Constitutional event was ignored by two of the president’s cattle who could be clearly seen in front of the residence as the proclamation was being signed, erm, getting to know each other better. They obviously shared Mr Ahern’s slapdash attitude to the niceties of a functioning democracy as they continued their antics in full view of the assembled dignitaries, should they have cared to look.

As one animal mounted the other, a political wag observed it was like watching the formation of a new coalition. With the deed done — the dissolution of parliament, not the bovine bonking — Ms McAleese scrambled to finish her packing and was out the door dashing for that 9am flight to the US in no time.

The spotlight then shifted to the sumptuous surroundings of the Morrison Hotel where the PDs were launching their manifesto as well as laying-on a magnificent selection of bacon rolls. Their backward looking slogan “Don’t throw it all away” may have been stale, but at least the campaign’s condemned party ate a hearty breakfast.

The Fianna Fáil event which followed had the faint whiff of a last-minute rush about it as Mr Ahern’s statement not only had the word Taoiseach spelt wrongly, but the caterers had failed to provide the only sandwich he asked for, plain ham.

It was a slightly curious affair with Mr Ahern appearing from a covered part of the podium in the Fianna Fáil battle command, then delivering a short statement in which he promised not to insult anyone before turning on his heels and scuttling back behind the set without taking any questions.

It was a much jollier mood at the Labour HQ where they have erected an electronic clock marking the hours, minutes and seconds until polls close on May 24, called the “countdown to change”. Which is a bit of a cruel way to rub the blueshirts’ faces in the fact that as soon as the voting stops and the numbers in the new Dáil become apparent, Mr Rabbitte is going to change sides and jump into Cabinet with Fianna Fáil.

Meanwhile, in what is already being dubbed the miracle on Dun Laoghaire pier, Enda Kenny said something vaguely sharp and off the cuff. When told by a woman she would not be voting for him because she had Fianna Fáil blood in her veins, Enda the humour-bender shot back, “maybe it’s time for a transfusion then”. And maybe we should all take the president’s lead and flee.