More parents being abused at home

A GROWING number of parents and grandparents were being abused in the home, a women’s support group warned yesterday.

A conference on domestic violence was told that pregnant mothers were not the only easy targets for bullying partners but that grandparents and elderly parents were being preyed on, mentally and physically, by family members.

"You don't need a bruise to be abused," was the message conveyed to the Women in Focus conference in Cork by support group Mná Feasa, which assists women victims of domestic violence.

Carole Goulding of the Cork-based support group disclosed: "We have catalogued over 300 different ways in which domestic violence can be applied verbally, physically, emotionally and mentally.

"Not all the people who seek our support have black eyes or bruises," she said. "Women come in and say a husband or partner is threatening to kill the children; perhaps a family pet has been killed or the intimidation extends to someone not bringing home receipts for the shopping."

Ms Goulding said domestic violence could be pinned down to power and control. "The abuser needs to be able to control another person," she said.

Support workers had noticed a marked change in the numbers of people seeking support in suspected domestic violence incidents.

"One of the more worrying changes is the number of older people coming forward. There's no age to domestic abuse and in many cases sons or daughters in their 50s are physically assaulting people in their 70s and 80s.

"Unfortunately, at the other end of the scale, there are 17-year-olds threatening their own parents."

Mná Feasa, she said, had brought its project into schools and especially to transition year students.

"Children who grow up with domestic violence in the home think it is normal behaviour, both to be the abuser and to be abused. To them, abuse and violence is a way of life.

"We brought the project into schools to show that domestic violence was not acceptable behaviour that nobody needs to put up with abuse."

Ms Goulding said: "In many cases, it's down to the self-esteem of the victim and to peer pressure. To show an example, you may have a girl being assaulted by her boyfriend but she's prepared to put up with the abuse than not have a boyfriend."

Support groups such as Mná Feasa, founded in response to a fatal domestic violence incident, advise victims to seek help.

Ms Goulding said: "People have to get help for themselves. They must be able to say to themselves, 'I can't change someone else but I must be able to make changes to stop this from happening to me.'"