I know it beggars believe but there will no longer be any real Irish stew in Ireland.

Due to the Government’s budget of austerity, ‘The 12 Days of Christmas’ will be reduced to ten days.

Pet rescue organisations estimate that as the result of an advert such as “free to a good home” there may be only one good caring person wanting to re-home that dog compared to at least nine bad and unscrupulous people who want that dog for other reasons.

Recently Ryanair announced that they may charge everyone for carry-on luggage.

Denis O’Brien paid Giovanni Trapattoni to come.

Name the new Liffey Bridge: RyanAir.

Was it a coincidence that the Croagh Patrick pilgrimage was down 5,000 souls this year and that a march in Cavan, for Seán Quinn, had an estimated attendance of 5,000?

There were reports of an earthquake in Mayo on Wednesday.

What’s the difference between the Costa Concordia cruise ship and the Government?

FIANNA FÁIL ministers say the government has made tough adjustments — wrong.

FIANNA FÁIL is talking about creating 1,000 jobs a week over the next five years.

I GOT a barber’s haircut Tuesday at 11am, cost €12.

THE Irish citizens have to bail-in to bailout banks and bondholders.

SEND the Chilean miners escape capsule, the Phoenix, into orbit with a very bright beacon attached so people around the world can look up every night and see there is still hope.

MAY I suggest the name Cain for Anglo’s bad bank and Able for the good bank?

WHEN are we going to get apology letters from former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern, former financial regulator Patrick Neary and former chairman of Anglo Irish Bank Seán FitzPatrick?

15.7% of 0 = 0

ANY government worth its salt should be able to handle two inches of snow.

NO more, “Wading” for Godot on the River Liffey with the opening of the new Samuel Beckett Bridge.

THE Government puts NAMA, the builders and the banks on the short finger. The less fortunate, the pensioners, hospitals and schools on the long finger. For the rest of us, two fingers.

WHERE will the Government jet be on November 18?

AFTER listening to Brian Lenihan’s mini budget it reminded me of what Matthew Henry, a English non-conformist clergyman wrote in the early 1700s, and it still holds true today.

IF Bank of Ireland chief executive Brian Goggin took a pay cut of 99% he would still make more than the average industrial wage of e28,000 per year and almost twice as much as the minimum paid worker who makes e8.65 per hour.

MY wish for the new year is that after all is said and done, former Anglo Irish Bank chairman Seán Fitzpatrick will be means tested for an over-70s’ medical card in 11 years, and qualifies.

OF the four ‘Bs’ in the news lately — Blair, Bush, Bertie and Beverley — name the only one that will still be active in politics in three years’ time.