Bernard O’Shea: The Dad Bod Diaries — Five things I’ve learned about procrastination

Here's the ultimate handbook for expertly postponing everything you swear you’ll begin next Monday..., says Bernard O'Shea

'I bought the shoes. Glorious shoes. I ran once. Now they reside quietly, with dignity, under the stairs. lined up.'

Every Monday at precisely 9.12am, a new me appears: Organised, focused, maybe even limber from a lemon-water ritual. Clipboard-worthy, this man has a plan, a structure, and, in his mind, he’s already transformed his life.

By Thursday evening, he vanishes without a trace, leaving me in the kitchen, resignedly munching a cold sausage roll found behind the coleslaw.