Dear Dáithí: My sister has a new dog... it's taking over our lives

'At least twice now he has leapt into muddy lakes, and we have had to get him straight home to be cleaned instead of going out for food.' Picture: iStock

Dear Dáithí,

My sister has got a new dog, and it feels like it’s taken over her life. And it’s also like she wants it to take over our lives too.

We get constant WhatsApp updates on where her dog is sitting and how cute it looks begging for a treat etc.

We did all respond for the first few weeks and tell her he was lovely, but at this stage we are pretty done with praising her dog for every move it makes.

If one of us mentions trying a new food or a different brand of cereal even, she responds with a comment about what her dog had for its tea and how he liked Tuesday’s dinner more than Thursday’s, but his favourite is some other food.

You’d think if I change the subject and tell her one of my children is after doing well in Spanish or Irish she won’t be able to bring the dog into that, but she absolutely can.

He’s a big, hairy breed and constantly sheds white hair everywhere, even though she insists he’s hypo-allergenic.

We used to meet up for walks on a Saturday afternoon, and go for a meal in a gastropub afterwards, but now we have to have endless discussions about what areas the dog likes to walk in before we can go.

And at least twice now he has leapt into muddy lakes, and we have had to get him straight home to be cleaned instead of going out for food.

Another time we had to cut our dinner short because a car alarm went off nearby and upset him.

Her son was away working for a year, and he’ll be home this summer and will be in for some shock when he finds out he’s been ‘replaced’.

Maybe he will help her see sense about this dog — or should we tell her now we don’t need to hear about him constantly?

From your side of this story, your sister has gone barking mad. Sorry, that’s the first and last of the dad jokes.

However, she does seem a bit obsessed with her dog. It’s normal for everyone to be nice in the beginning, saying the dog is cute and lovely on WhatsApp, but I can see how it would tire you too, and that’s what’s after happening, only nobody has told your sister, so in her defence, how is she supposed to know you are all feeling like this?

It would be a good idea to tell her to cool it with the doggy talk, but before you do that, we need to find out a few things.

The first question is what or who is the dog replacing. I don’t think it’s the son, as he will be home soon. I think it’s something bigger, I think she might be lonely, I think she has found some solace in having this dog with her, and that can only be a positive thing.

She might overshare on the information, but if you look at it from her point of view, that might be the most important thing in her life at the moment. Just like you think your daughter’s Irish or Spanish is important.

She might be saying the same things about that. See, years ago, there was no WhatsApp group to share, so we didn’t tell each other everything, so this is still a very nice concept for us.

I’m in a few groups like this and stopped reading most of what people write. So, I think you might have to do the same in this case.

You should ask her if everything is okay, without going into the whole dog thing. It really is important to find out what’s going on in her life and if she is lonely.

This is really standing out to me, but dig deep and see if there is something else going on. Because she hasn’t done something like this before, it is a bit odd.

Dáithí Ó Sé: 'If there is nothing up with your sister and she is just enjoying her time with her dog, what will you do? Either start putting up with it or start hanging out less with her and the dog.' File picture: Domnick Walsh

We must remember too that we all change as life goes on, and this might be just that. She might have always wanted a dog and never told anyone.

Now, the other side to this is you; it seems to be bothering you because it interrupts your plans and the plain sailing you were having.

So, if there is nothing up with your sister and she is just enjoying her time with her dog, what will you do? Either start putting up with it or start hanging out less with her and the dog.

Only you can answer this one. You might even get to the stage where you say look, 'I’d be happy to meet up just with you and the dog will have to stay at home'. I think if you explain you like dogs, but not when you’re eating, she will understand... again back to the point she doesn’t know how you are feeling about all of this.

The son is coming back, and you think he might find himself in the doghouse and replaced. I don’t think this, but it will be very interesting to see how, if anything, will change. This will be a good test of the whole situation, and you should definitely wait until he is home for a while. Chat to him.

He has been away now for a year and will see any change in his mother straight away. Ask him if he gets all the dog updates too; I’d say he might.

The main thing here, and I said it at the start, is that your sister seems to be happy with this dog, and once there is nothing else up or behind this, we are all good, except you. So, you either ignore the pictures and comments or tell her to stop them.

Even as I type these words, I think it’s probably easier for you to let them slide by, knowing this dog is making your sister happy.

Even though this problem looks simple from the outside, when you dig down, it’s more complex. It’s always very important, if we can, to put the shoe on the other foot and see things from the other side.

It might be a skill we are all losing these days for some reason. Find out what’s going on, and the path will be clearer.