Dear Dáithí: My niece's wedding invitation came with two pages of rules and regulations. Should I even go?

What to do when the wedding invitation comes with two pages of rules and regulations... dress codes, cameras, social media, gift requests...

Dear Dáithí,

Have you ever had a wedding invitation where the list of rules and regulations runs to two pages?

Well, that's just what's arrived in the door this week. It's my niece's wedding and I have never seen the like of it and I've never been so insulted. You would think we have no clue how to behave or something. And I'm not the only one who's insulted about this. Everyone in the family seems to be talking about it and sending each other messages asking if this is for real.

There's a dress code for everyone. And it's like decoding Enigma. We have to wear bright colours but not blue or red. Sure what is red if it's not a bright colour? That's just for the adult women, by the way. The men have to wear light coloured suits and bright ties. The children then are supposed to have their hair down and wear paler versions of bright colours but not pastels. What?

We aren't allowed to use cameras at all during the day, and have been asked to even put our phones away. If it's an emergency and we must make a call or something, we are asked to go to our rooms to do it.

These aren't celebrities. Well, they do have a blog or something that they're always updating and do seem to be photographed with some very stylish people who've been on the Late Late Show and the like. But they are definitely not famous, even if they are acting like they are now.

There are also rules about how early we have to arrive, who will be photographed and in what groups, and where we have to gather for different photos on the day.

We are not allowed to bring cards to the actual wedding, and there's a separate list of acceptable gifts. Yes, apparently money is acceptable but if we want to give an actual gift, we're only trusted to buy from certain shops.

There will be two videographers, so we have instructions too on where we are to stand for their first dance. And there are even suggestions for clothes we can wear on the second day of this wedding.

Would you be able to keep all these rules, or would you even go?

I've been to some parties and some weddings in my day, but I've never heard the likes of this before in my life. And, if I'm being honest, this is the kind of stuff that would turn me off going.

A wedding is more than just the coming together of two people in the eyes of God. But in this case, there seems to be no sign of God — only a goddess.

A wedding is about bringing family and friends together so they can have a great time and catch up. If you really want to have a great day for you and everyone, it’s about having great memories for a long time after.

But all people will remember from this is the big long stupid list where everyone was told what to do and where to stand. This wedding will be remembered for all the wrong reasons. It's just way over the top and for what purpose?

It's very clear your niece wants to control every aspect of the wedding and even the day after... telling everyone what to wear, how to look, and where to be.

Everyone else must be asking the same question as you are: 'Will I bother my behind going to this event?

It’s not even a family occasion in my eye anymore; it’s just an event, nothing special and that's a sad thing to say really.

She has taken all the romance, fun and excitement out of the day, and for what? So she can control everything. Sorry, it's not for me.

I don’t really have a problem with dress codes, if it’s black-tie or cocktail style, that can be fun. But asking for brightly coloured clothes and then taking away the two most popular ones, stop the lights! It's all just gone too far.

In her defence, I do like the idea of not having cameras. But there are ways of doing this: you can ask people to take a few pictures and not to post them. And I've found that when people are asked to do this, they respect it. But again, an all-out ban and ‘you can leave to room to make a call’, go away from me.

I would really love to see the messages from the other members of the family! But what does her mother and father think? You haven't mentioned it, so they might be keeping their heads down and a little embarrassed. They are not at fault — your niece is a runaway train.

She likes cash, I do see a human in here now. But you just ignore the suggested shops. If you see something in another shop that you think is nice, you go for it. What is she going to do if it’s not from one of her shops? I wouldn’t do it out of spite or anything but don’t worry too much about it. I think most people will just give cash — it’s easier all round.

Now, from a man's point of view, I do feel really sorry for her future husband, Jesus what is he in for if the wedding is like this. That controlling behavior is very worrying to me. This isn't normal ‘bridezilla’ stuff, this is a different level.

Now here is the thing... he might be in on it. And as bad as it is if this is the case, they are very well suited. But the only thing is, if they have kids how will they turn out?

You said at the very beginning that you are insulted — don't be. I don’t think you’re dealing with reasonable here, and it must be looked at in this light. I know she’s a close relation but it’s not right. But for you the question really is will you go or stay at home.

The thing is, that these days weddings are very expensive, and do you really want to spend all the money on this? Personally, I wouldn’t. You’d have a great week away in the sun with the money you’d spend on it. The fact she has acted like this, you don’t really have to give a reason why you’re not going. And if the day comes when she asks you for a reason, you should be honest, it might be an eye opener for her.

It is totally up to you whether you want to go. Besides all these rules, it will be great to catch up with the rest of the gang. But the question is, as you put it, will you be able to keep to the rules — and, more importantly, will you want to put yourself through all of this and will you spend the day looking over your shoulder.

I would prefer to see a summon coming in the door before a wedding invite these days... at least you know what to do with a summons!