Sex File: Our house renovation is ruining our sex life 

If you can create sanctuary in the midst of chaos, it is easier to cope with a project that feels like it will never be finished.

My girlfriend and I are in our early thirties and are busy renovating our first house, which, on top of our jobs, doesn't leave much energy for anything else. 

We don't have the time or money for date nights at the moment so how can we keep our sex life on the boil?

Having lived in more building 'projects' than anyone would reasonably agree to, I feel your pain. 

DIY renovation is great fun in the summer but as we head into winter the best advice I can give you is to finish one room - your bedroom - as completely as you can and make it warm. 

It's not the most economical way to do things, as you probably don't have central heating yet, so you'll have to invest in some electric heaters. It will be worth it. 

If you can create sanctuary in the midst of chaos, it is easier to cope with a project that feels like it will never be finished.

As your bedroom will be the only warm space in the house, you'll spend an awful lot of time there. When you are not stripping, sanding, painting or cleaning, you will be keeping warm under the duvet. 

You'll end up watching TV, in bed. You'll have in-depth conversations about how much money you don't have in bed. You'll make calls and send emails, in bed, and maybe even eat some meals there.

Cosiness and proximity will increase the likelihood of opportunistic sex but with a little imagination you can make it fun too. Strip poker? A game of 'would you rather' — the adult version?

Playfulness costs nothing but it does require a little effort and imagination, and as a result is one of the first things that disappears when relationships become more routine or couples find themselves burdened by new responsibilities or are going through big life transitions. 

Several research studies have shown that playfulness contributes to relationship satisfaction. It makes people laugh and it increases intimacy and connectedness.

It also makes it easier to talk about difficult things and that's important when you are under a lot of pressure or negotiating big decisions such as whether to paint the living room Elephant's Breath or Sulking Room Pink. 

When things get a bit tetchy, a playful remark can remind you that despite whatever stresses you're under, you're still in a safe and loving relationship.

Renovation projects put pressure on finances, and that puts pressure on people, so using sex as a way to alleviate tension is going to be important for both of you. Sex is an opportunity for you to forget the hassles of home improvement and focus solely on each other for a while.

Orgasm triggers the release of 'feelgood' hormones such as oxytocin, endorphins and dopamine, which promote relaxation and act as natural stress relievers, helping you to feel more relaxed and less anxious. 

The postcoital surge of emotional closeness defuses tension and makes you more likely to agree that you can't go wrong with white emulsion.

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