Ask Audrey: When it comes to stupidity copying someone from Meath is up there with licking a raw chicken

Got an issue? Ask Audrey.

Hi girl, I’m the leading social media influencer in Cork measured by the number of people who reckon the only time I see my kids is when I’m shooting a #cute Instagram post in #RockyBay #CreatingMemories #YourProductCanAppearHere. Anyway, my third smallie is due this week #Blessed #LoveAtFirstSight #BirthLiveonFacebook. I had my #heart set on it being the leading media event in Munster and then that Meghan pushes out a prince. #Deva #NoTears #Botox. The best bet now is for us to shoot the birth as a spoof of the royal couple, so I’ll act like a cranky Yank and My Derek will pretend to care about poor people. Do you know where we could get a pair of masks? — @YouSoWishLike, Turners Cross and Monte Carlo.

My friend Leonard is a keen royal-watcher. #Simpleton. I said, is it possible to get masks of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex? He said no. I said why? He said because there isn’t a single person in the world who wants to look like Harry. #Harsh