Ask Audrey: I will cure his sex addiction by showing photos of women from Carrigaline

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Ciao. I am currently visiting Cork from Italy, to see my son Guido. He was such a good boy at home, but here he has five girlfriends, perhaps because Irish men look like extremely ugly pigs. My Guido, he is, how you say, like a dog with two mickeys. What can I do? — Annabella, Milan, I am a striking looking woman.

Not for much longer. You probably don’t need me to tell you that Italian women shrink after 50 and shuffle around the kitchen in slippers. I actually run an advisory service for over-sexed Italian men. (As if there’s any other kind.) If you send Guido to me, the fee is €50. I’m glad to pay it, because it can be so hard to get an Italian man on Tinder. I’m also glad to try and help with his sex addiction — in this case I usually just show photos of women from Carrigaline.