Ask Audrey: 'He turned his jocks inside out to get another month out of them'

Ask Audrey has been sorting out the people of Cork for years.

Ciao, One of my six girlfriends got a cold sore, so I went on Tinder to find a short-term replacement. As a result, I am sexting this girl from Cork and things are getting hot and heavy, you understand? Last night she said that she would like to do Pana with me. That sounds very beautiful and disgusting. What does it mean? – Jean Luca, Milan and Grange, I keep a lock of hair from all my old conquests.

You’re as romantic as a nightclub in Listowel called In Here for the Ride, Lads. Doing Pana can be beautiful and disgusting, depending on the time of day. I was in town last Saturday afternoon and Patrick Street was like a slice of heaven. When I was back there at 2am on Sunday morning, there was a drunk woman in a black leather mini-dress begging a young Garda to put her in handcuffs. Worse again, that woman was me. There is a video of it up on YouTube and, I must say, my hair looks amazing.