Ask Audrey has been sorting out Cork people for years

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My cleaning lady has started talking to me. It started with a ‘hello and how are you?’ and this week she said something about the weather. I think she thinks we must have something in common which is outrageous really, given that she’s from Poland (or is it Latvia?) and almost certainly didn’t go to Mount Mercy. How do I make it clear to her that I’m not looking for a new friend? — Rebecca, Model Farm Road, I feel sorry for people in Bishopstown.

Did you not hear the latest trend? You’re nobody in Cork these days if you don’t hire somebody to talk to your cleaner. The only time they are allowed to talk to you is when the latest delivery van from Casey’s Furniture pulls up at your door. People in the Model Farm Road are calling it the greatest step forward in Cork life since they opened the tunnel. Get your butler to look it up online.