My partner and I had a discussion recently about him wanting me to initiate sex more often. This escalated into an argument in which he claimed I've always been selfish in bed, expecting him to do most of the work. He's always had a higher libido than me, but I really thought we were on the same page. How do we handle this?
The initiation pattern you describe is not particularly unusual. In 2001 psychologist Roy Baumeister and his team carried out a meta-analysis of 150 studies which explored whether there really was a gender difference in sex drive. The research confirmed that men think about sex more often, experience more arousal, have more frequent and varied fantasies, desire sex more often, masturbate more, initiate more and refuse less sex, and rate their sex drives as stronger than women.
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