Joanna Fortune: My two-year-old bit another child at creche. What can I do?

There is a spike in biting in children of this age when cutting a new tooth

I got a call from the creche to say that my two-year-old son bit another child. I was shocked as he’s usually well-behaved, always saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. What can I do to ensure this does not happen again?

Toddler biting is extremely common. Young children are still developing their understanding of the world and of people and how they position themselves in their environment. They are curious and learn in a physical, active, and tactile-sensory way. They are still developing expressive language.

When feelings get too big and they lack the emotional fluency to say, ‘I’m upset that Jamie grabbed that truck from my hands’, they express it in the only language they have: Behaviour. Biting, hitting, and grabbing are typical in toddlers, who struggle to verbalise frustration.

There is also a spike in biting in children of this age when cutting a new tooth.

When those gums are tender and sore, nothing feels nicer than chomping into something soft-textured… like the arm of a playmate.

He may be overwhelmed by noise, lights, and other children. This can trigger a biting incident in an attempt to regulate his hyperarousal or maybe he needs more active/physical playtime.

He is cueing others that his arousal level is too low by seeking more intense sensory stimulation.

Young children bite for a variety of reasons, but they fall into one of two categories: To cope with a challenge or to fulfil a need.

The first step to stopping this behaviour is to understand which category is most activated within him. Ask the staff to track his biting over a few days or a week and identify if there is a pattern.

Is it more likely to happen coming in/out of a nap time, with tiredness as a trigger?

Or might it be before or during mealtime, triggered by hunger?

Is it around transitions from outdoor play back indoors, or with a particular child around sharing toys, triggered by frustration?

Understand what underpins his biting and this will help inform a response plan, such as ensuring staff keep an eye on him and distract/re-engage in something else around the trigger points.

For now, when it happens, try offering a chew/soft toy that he can bite and introduce it by saying gently, yet firmly, ‘I know you are tired/want the truck, but we do not bite people. You can bite this or you can play with this toy over here.’

When he is redirected, turn your focus to the child/person who has been bitten and tend to them.

He is still developing his capacity for cause-effect thinking, so he is not doing this ‘for attention’, nor is he misbehaving or consciously seeking to hurt another child.

He is struggling to regulate and seek connection and help, which is perfectly normal at his age, when he is still developing ways to manage his feelings and express himself.

This phase will pass as his language skills strengthen and he develops.

In the meantime, introduce a fun storybook, such as Little Dinos Don’t Bite, by Michael Dahl.

• If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail]