Sex File: I still fantasise about my ex — how do I finally move on?

One of the main reasons divorcees sabotage the possibility of a new sexual relationship is that they are still smarting from the pain of the end of their marriage

Sex file: Now I'm dating again, my ex keeps popping into my head in bed. How do I finally move on?

Our divorce was pretty miserable, following several years of little to no sex at all. But now I'm dating again, my ex keeps popping into my head in bed. We're cordial for the kids' sake but I have no desire to get back together. How do I finally move on?

Sexual fantasies about former partners are a confusing, but extremely common, phenomenon. When they invade your thoughts during sex with someone else, it is difficult not to interpret them as an indication that sex might have been better with your ex — but it is not a fair comparison. You can't judge a person you have known for a week against a marriage that lasted maybe 10 years or more.