Ask Audrey: Should I do a tell-all interview with Oprah?

Sorting out Cork people for ages

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

Hello it’s Rosealeen here in Ballydesmond. Wasn’t I watching the interview with your one Meghan and Harry the other night on the telly, thinking it’s time I settled an auld score or two myself. For example, I’m back with the boyfriend from across the border on the Kerry side because it’s slim pickings on the internet for a 43-year-old woman who isn’t willing to share photos of herself wearing nothing but a Glasgow Celtic jersey. Anyway, didn’t I get a phone call from my future father-in-law last night wondering if any children we had would be completely shit at the old football because his mother is only from Cork. Well, I reared up at him and said wouldn’t it be more in your line asking if the child - BOY OR GIRL - will ever once change its underpants on account of the grandparents coming from Scartaglin in the county of Kerry. I’m thinking now I should do a tell-all interview with Oprah – would she be on for it, tell me?
– Rosealeen, Ballydesmond.

I rang the Posh Cousin there to ask if she had a number for Oprah Winfrey. She said, why? I said, a bogwoman in Ballydesmond wants to tell her side of the story. She said it’s amazing, every second woman I talk to in Blackrock this week is dying to get something off her chest. I said, you mean accusations. She said, no, breast reduction. (The waiting lists are off the scales.)