Learner Dad: No offence to our lovely kids, but we need to get away from them

Pat Fitzpatrick says we should make Valentine’s Day a moveable feast, where the only rule is that each partner gets to choose one surprise Romance Day in every calendar year.

Pat Fitzpatrick can still remember the warm breeze as he and his wife walked along the streets of Palma, Majorca. Picture: iStock 

Back in December, public health expert Gabriel Scally suggested we should postpone our Christmas family get-together until the summer solstice in June. They could almost hear us laughing at him on the moon. No one is laughing now. And, on that note, I think we should postpone Valentine's Day until October.

I was never much of a fan of Valentine's Day, but I can see why it normally does a job for couples in mid February. (Not to mention the retailers who ordered too many Ferrero Rocher for Christmas.) I think we tend to neglect our relationships in January. The weather wouldn’t exactly tempt you outside for date night; there’s a good chance that things got a bit tense over Christmas, because you can’t choose your family, so it’s good to take some time off in the New Year. Then Valentine's Day and spring come along and it’s time to start looking after your relationship again. It’s a great way to jump-start things, as long as that means leaving the house.

We don’t do Valentine presents in our place, or even cards as far as I can remember. (I better check with the wife about that, now that I mention it.) We don’t even go out on Valentine’s night because a restaurant full of couples feels like something from The Handmaid’s Tale. But all the advertising gets us in the mood so we usually treat ourselves to a decent night out in mid February. What we don’t want is another takeaway while our kids play Minecraft in the front room. That’s not exactly an occasion these days.

No offence to our lovely kids, but we need to get away from them. We managed a weekend away in Palma two years ago, just the two of us, we must have thought we had money or something. I can still remember the warm breeze as we walked along the streets together, able to have a conversation without checking if we’d lost one of the kids. On the Sunday we took a bus out to a seaside village that reminded us of Kinsale with better sunshine, and had seafood on the hill up from the pier. It seems like some kind of dream now.

I can’t wait to get back there. There are a few restaurants around Cork that can recreate the feeling, including a tapas place on Douglas Street that makes me feel gloomy every time I pass its shuttered windows. If we can’t go to places like that, then I’d rather stay at home and let this Valentine’s Day pass by unobserved in lockdown February. But like Gabriel Scally, I think it’s too important to scrap for the entire year.

My first suggestion is that we postpone it until October – if nothing else it will give the restaurants a lift, and say what you will about Ferrero Rocher, but they have a great shelf life.

My second suggestion is we stop doing Valentine’s Day on a fixed day. Life is stressful enough for us men without the annual 'Will They Run Out Of Flowers in Aldi?' conundrum. You know, the lilies she likes are there on February 10, but will they still be there on February 14, or should I buy them now and hide them around the house without killing them, which is unlikely.

Make Valentine’s Day a moveable feast, where the only rule is that each partner gets to choose one surprise Romance Day in every calendar year. That way, those of us in long-term relationships can enjoy two festivals of love a year, with the possibilities of sex that come attached. You’re bound to get eejits who stick to February 14 because some people have no imagination. 

But this will put a stop to the mad restaurant rush and wrestling a randomer for the last orchids in a Circle K service station. It also opens up the possibility of a summer date, who knows, we might even make the Mediterranean. It’s a million times better than a forced date night in Level 5 Lockdown.

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