Ask Audrey: 'When I moved back to Cork from Dublin, people treated me like I was some kind of septic snob'

Sorting out Cork people for ages...

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It’s a message a minute on our WhatsApp group Douglas Road Stunners Who Can Afford the New 500 Euro Fine. Fifi_WhiteRangeRover started it all when she sent a photo of the Guard who stopped her on the way down to Barley Cove and on the way back and gave her a fine and his phone number and they’re going to meet for a bit of the old rumpy pumpy in Curraghbinny Woods. Orla_TwoWhiteRangeRovers said her Ken lost his lust during lockdown and she is currently messaging two Guards who stopped her on the way to Garryvoe, so we banned her from the group, because there’s no need for Garryvoe. I have my eye on the guard on the way into Tramore Valley Park but he keeps waving me on, as if I’m only from Bishopstown. How can I get him to stop me? 

— Jenni, Douglas Road.