Ask Audrey: 'We haven’t had sex since he started cycling'

I'M so woke, I wear two masks when I go out. They’re €40 a pop, because I’m from Ballintemple: Bear in mind, that’s the same as €2 a pop for someone like you. Yesterday, I was on my way into town on my electric scooter, when I spotted this hot chick from my Tantric sourdough baking class. (It takes  three days to bake a loaf; everyone looks posher than Sting.) This chick said, 'Totes deva to see you in a face mask, dude. Covid-19 is a plot by globalists to force you to take a vaccine'. I said, 'Amazing, where do you get your information'? She said, 'Mainly the drummer from The Corrs'. I said, 'Amazing, let’s hook up'. She said, 'Meet me tomorrow and we’ll go shopping without a mask'. Do you think I should do it? Ed, Ballintemple 

My nephew in Kerry is big into alien conspiracy theories. We call him Yerra-Ya 51. I said, 'Are you wearing a mask in shops'? He said, 'I am and I amn’t'. #NoStraightAnswersInKerry