Colm O'Regan: I'm so bored with the Ronaldo/Messi 'GOAT' debate 

Cristiano Ronaldo (left) and Messi (right) - who's the GOAT?

THE Ballon d’Or is upon us again. Not to be confused with the Ballon Door, a shopfront competition in the small Co. Carlow village. (I made that up, but it should be).

The Ballon d’Or is a celebration of the best footballers of the last season. This year Katie McCabe is one of the nominees. Hopefully, that’ll give her a break from people who only commentate on women’s football to give out about it. 

She’s Ireland’s first nominee since Roy Keane in 2000. The Ballon Door has been locked for a while.

For the first time in 20 years, Cristiano Ronaldo isn’t on the list. Lionel Messi is. If you mention one, you have to mention the other because by law they have to appear within two sentences of each other in Everything Written About Football, Ever. 

It’s due to a tiresome tradition that has gone into overdrive over the last while. The tradition of picking ‘The Greatest of All Time. The GOAT’. The Ronaldo/Messi is GOAT debate is possibly one of the most boring. Sustained by an army of permanently online stans.

(A stan is slang for a devoted fan. It comes from Eminem’s 2000 video about a man called Stan who is obsessed and kills his family. Now it just means “I like your work”)

Greatest of all Time discussions really get my goat. I don’t mind finding the Greats. We’ve always liked that. Eamon Dunphy entered the public imagination in the mid-80s with his discussion on whether Platini (no) was a great player (no).

Wikipedia has 124 monarchs called The Great. The earliest was Sargon of Akkad, a name beloved of fantasy fiction writers everywhere. 

The most recent was Bhumibol Adulyadej, King of Thailand who died in 2016. That’s so recent that Eamon Dunphy could have had an opinion on his greatness.

No problem with a list of the greats. But seemingly we can’t leave it at that. We have to compare to others of a different time. 

Comedian and Irish Examiner columnist Colm O'Regan pictured in Cork. Pic: Denis Minihane.

Is Christy Ring better than Henry Shefflin? I mean he is obviously, because… Cork like… but aside from that it’s a futile comparison. They were in such different eras. 

Shefflin presumably had top surgeons, ice baths, and dietary advice. Christy Ring would warm down after matches by driving a lorry delivering heating oil. 

Henry Shefflin played against the Ó hAilpíns. Christy Ring played against people who were smoking Sweet Aftons. 

There are too many variables. There is an old saying that a man can never enter the same river twice. He is a different man and it’s different water.

What’s worse is comparing people of different sports for their greatness which happens from time to time. I’m not saying that people are debating whether Christy Ring would score 3-5 off Ronaldo (he would, Ronaldo wouldn’t track back). 

It’s more that every time someone does something magical on a GAA pitch, there’s a comment: “If Messi did that now they’d never stop talking about it”. Of course, they wouldn’t stop talking about it. They’d be wondering how Messi was cleared to play at such short notice. Should his club be thrown out of the championship because he wasn’t properly registered?

It can be fun to do if it’s obviously silly. The excellent Rest is History podcast had a World Cup of Gods recently. But they were very open about comparing apples with oranges. Although the goddess of apples and oranges (Pomona) didn’t feature.

Athena won the World Cup of Gods in case you are wondering. I was disappointed. When you’re discussing who were the best deities worshipped by cults at the end of the day you have to say Baphomet was the GOAT.

Whatever happens best of luck to Irish footballer Katie McCabe in the Ballon d’Or. If she’s not the GOAT, she’s definitely been the scapegoat.