Lighten Up: Flatley for president? Make Ireland dance again!
If there were more people out dancing instead of on their phones scrolling, the nation, and indeed the world, would be far better off, writes Denis Lehane in this week's Lighten Up. Picture: Antony Jones/Getty Images
When I heard the news that Michael Flatley might run for president of Ireland, I danced a merry jig around the kitchen table.
To say I was thrilled would be an understatement.
I firmly believe the Lord of the Dance would make a tremendous Uachtarán na hÉireann.
For not only does the man possess a great love of Ireland, but he still has his own teeth and hair, and this alone sets him apart from many of us in the herd.
Granted, he may have a few miles on the clock, but sure, who doesn't? He is still quite the looker, and would be great at representing our tiny nation on the world stage.
And sure, hasn't he been Ireland's representative on the world stage, ever since he took the hand of Jean Bulter, back in the days when we thought a condom machine in a toilet was the height of sophistication?
One of the most notable declines in Ireland over the past number of years, along with the disappearance of the corncrake and the sod of turf, has been our unwillingness to get jiggy on the dance floor.
Call me old-fashioned, call me a stick in the mud, but I believe the decline of antics on the dance floor is responsible for many of the ills in our society today.
If there were more people out dancing instead of on their phones scrolling, the nation, and indeed the world, would be far better off.
The phone is the most pointless piece of equipment in our lives today. Its position in our everyday life far outshines its importance.
We need to get back to basics, and we could begin by picking up the phone and firing it into a bog hole.
And I feel if we had a president in the guise of Michael Flatley, a dancing president, a man with feet of flames, we could well get Ireland dancing again.
Michael Flatley has also got a rare quality that many of us lack, in that he has some fine-looking cars back home in his garage.
And being a man who appreciates a good car when I see one, this again makes him a winner in my eyes.
I have always dreamed of owning a car with no roof on it, not by accident, mind, but by design.
Most things I own now on four wheels are up on four blocks. And I love the idea of getting into something and simply turning the key to get it in motion.
At the moment, my tractor needs a belt of a hammer to get her started in the morning, and my old jeep needs a few Hail Marys, and a fall of ground, to get the wheels in motion.
And this can take its toll on a progressive farmer, no matter how successful I think I am.
But with Michael Flatley in the Áras, with his flashy cars in the nearby garage, I feel he could energise the nation.
Mary Robinson once remarked about having a light in the window for the Irish scattered throughout the world, but with Flatley in charge, the lights in the Áras would not only be dazzling, but illuminating for all.
Flatley for president. It's time to put your best foot forward.
