Denis Lehane: With Tom Cruise jumping off buildings at 62, what chance do us farmers have of taking early retirement?
There he is, leaping off buildings, clinging onto aeroplanes and kissing beautiful women, like a fellow half his age.
For many years now, I have been campaigning to lower the pension age from 65 to 55.
Particularly in farming, where fellows are worn out at 35, never mind 65.
Years ago in the farming game, we had this class of a yoke called the Early Retirement Scheme, and it took many clapped-out fellows off the land.
Similar in a way to the scrappage scheme for cars, it gave a chance for the newer models to take to the road.
These schemes for cars and farmers were brilliant and were the main reasons I took up farming.
And one of the greatest crimes ever perpetrated against the rural community was the removal of both.
The Early Retirement Scheme should be reinstated as a matter of urgency, and I'm blue in the face from calling for action with regard to my retirement.
Retirement cannot happen soon enough as far as I'm concerned.
What age is he now? 62.
And there he is, leaping off buildings, clinging onto aeroplanes and kissing beautiful women, like a fellow half his age.
Only last week at the closing ceremony of the Olympics, he was at it again.
The old timer marked the occasion, not by getting on one knee, pulling out his rosary beads and offering up a decade for the losers (as you might expect him to do).
No.
Instead, we were treated to the sight of him free-falling off the roof of a packed Olympic stadium with only a light rope for support.
A rope that wouldn't be sufficient to hold down a Hiace load of square bales. A rope that would in no way be suitable to pull a small tractor out of a mediocre bog hole.
At 62, gliding like Superman. The devil is a disgrace. He is giving older lads a right good name.
And worse again, Cruise did the stunt with ease.
His back didn't give in, he didn't throw out a hip. He wasn't grimacing on landing. He was laughing! Laughing, if you don't mind!
And then, as if that wasn't exhausting enough, he runs across the stage without tripping or falling, before leaping onto a motorcycle without wounding his backside.
And with that, he rides off down the Champs Élysées or someplace like a garsún in short pants.
For his last birthday, reports circulated that the veteran actor did the splits. Not by accident, I might add, only on purpose! There is no line he won't cross to display his vigour.
He'd be as welcome here as a case of coccidiosis. I'd have to show him the door or lose my mind completely.
With the likes of him showing off at every turn, old lads like me have no hope of pushing for the retention of the Early Retirement Scheme.
Retirement? We'll be lucky to see it at 65 the way that Cruise is behaving.
As I approach the final hurdle of my farming career, with the finish line still a little away, the only thing sustaining me is the thought of my pension.
"Money for nothing," as Dire Straits used to sing.
Well, there will be nothing of the kind, if Cruise doesn't slow down.
The Hollywood maverick needs to act his age, for all our sakes.
