TERRACE TALK: Man United - Amid the boredom, at least we saw a goal

“No doubt as to the United fans’ hit chant of the autumn so far, then: “Attack, attack, attack!”

Louis Van Gaal appeared to complain about this midweek, prompting one embittered colleague to respond: “Pfft: he’s lucky it’s not ‘asleep, asleep, asleep’...”

Our beleaguered manager then amused us further by seeming to blame Paul Scholes for this latest terrace ditty, suggesting he had “influenced” us with his recent criticism. Which would be a viable analysis, had not the chanting preceded Scholesy’s now legendary outburst by a good two weeks.

Still, as another comrade dryly remarked after Saturday’s 2-0 win, “at least we’re efficiently boring now”. We must be grateful for small mercies indeed: Three nil-nils have been succeeded by two victories, one of which — against CSKA — should certainly be deemed to have been ‘important’.

One would not like to have imagined our Champions League group position going into the PSV match had we fallen to yet another nil-nil midweek, given what ultimate failure would have entailed for United’s footballing and financial season.

So we fall upon the imminent international break with relief. We can look forward to a weekend without having to watch United slowly probing their way to another defeat-avoiding clean sheet.

What have you, dear reader, got planned in terms of something more exciting to do, then? I shall be Shearer-tastically creosoting my garden fence, before re- arranging my collection of 1920s European road tax discs into chronological and geographical order. Hey, it beats a Carrick square ball.

But that’s enough whingeing for today. We’re all on the same page here, and I daresay you too will have noted something telling in the O.T. crowd reaction to Martial’s substitution midweek (viz. furious booing) and Rooney’s on Saturday (ironic cheering).

The moment United clinched victory on Saturday also spoke volumes. A penalty earned because an enthusiastic, lithe, and lightning centre-forward took on a central defence at pace and made them have kittens: That’s what Martial can do at number nine, and what Rooney can no longer manage.

The world can see how United need to line up and play: Martial up top, Herrera and Mata weaving magic behind, and drop one of the holding midfielders against lesser oppos. Oh, and turn the speed dial up.

So let’s look for some upsides from these fraught past few weeks. ‘Mike’ Smalling; ‘The German’; Rojo’s burgeoning crossing prowess: Luke Shaw’s remarkable progress in the treatment room; Chelsea’s continuing meltdown; De Gea’s continuing brilliance; and Jesse Lingard.

Pause upon the latter – and let’s try to forget LVG’s embarrassing attempt to take all the credit for the boy’s goal during his post-match interview on Saturday. That strike had certainly been coming, for he had already been just centimetres away from excellent goals on three occasions over the past couple of weeks. It’s well-known that Reds get especially gooey about fearless young talents like this bursting through into the team, and it’s a total bonus too: Few would have counted on him becoming a potentially key asset this autumn.

The pessimists may counter by muttering that we once got equally excited about young Januzaj too, a player now sat twiddling his thumbs on the Dortmund bench and poutily refusing Belgian call-ups.

A fair point, although I would suggest that we don’t give up on the kid just yet. I am assured by a good source that, despite their denials, United have been reassessing his prospects and wondering whether we should try to give him another chance in Red sooner rather than later.

Depay and Young, both of whom have obvious behavioural and/or attitudinal problems, could surely do with the extra competition on the flanks as well. Furthermore, LVG admitted this week that he was worried about our lack of wing resources. It’s a no-brainer, and the boy would jump at the offer of resurrection: Get it done, Eddy.

Of course, there’s another handsome young lad who originally made his name for us out wide, now exiled on the continent, who’d do us just as well: Cristiano Ronaldo. There are interesting noises coming out of his camp this weekend, I am hearing.

Keep your reading-between-the-lines eyes peeled, and we’ll compare notes here in a fortnight’s time...