“’Scholesy’s too humble to do it.’ Well, he’s f****** doing it now, isn’t he? Maybe there’s more money involved now.”

Phil Neville is still waiting to hear whether he has a future at Manchester United under new manager Louis van Gaal.

Paul Scholes got one thing wrong. In most respects, his savage takedown of Arsenal on his Sky Sports punditry debut was as measured as one of those never-learned-how-to-tackle-ho-ho-ho ankle crunchers he liked to leave on the likes of Jose Reyes.

In keeping with his role as guest of honour at the launch of the Cork City FC Patronage Scheme in support of the club’s underage Education and Development Fund, it was appropriate that Roy Keane found time to reflect on his early days in football and, in particular, the critical move from Leeside to Nottingham which paved the way for the creation of a legend.

We thought this fella had retired.

At his best he was virtually unplayable as perhaps the single best crosser of the ball the game has seen.

It was a notable week in comedy. The Office screened for the last time in the USA. The first trailer emerged of America’s take on Gavin & Stacey. It was the 15th anniversary of the final Seinfeld.

Alex Ferguson has urged Manchester United’s fans to stand by David Moyes when he takes over as manager next season.

What’s left to say? Even if there was anything new, nobody is listening. This narrative is written. The capsule buried.

Michael Carrick is thankful for Paul Scholes’ presence alongside him at Manchester United – and it has nothing to do with the song in his honour.

Rio Ferdinand is keen to extend his stay with Manchester United beyond the end of the season and is unconcerned by a lack of discussions about a new contract.

Blessed are the playmakers. Or should that be bantam?

Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson admits the Premier League title race is back on. Last weekend it seemed to be in the bag for United, who had opened up an eight-point lead with six games remaining over a Manchester City side imploding under Roberto Mancini.

Alex Ferguson believes the entire Barclays Premier League season is building up to a dramatic Manchester derby day crescendo.

Ryan Giggs believes if Manchester United can come through their testing month of fixtures it could provide the impetus for another successful Barclays Premier League title challenge.

PAUL SCHOLES admitted he was ‘scared’ when he approached Alex Ferguson about making a return to football earlier this month.

RIO FERDINAND is delighted two of his top five Premier League players are treading the boards on the biggest stage once more.

IT SAYS much about the current standing of Manchester United that their most significant “signing” of the January transfer window, if not their only one, will prove to be a 37-year-old who retired eight months ago to concentrate on coaching.

Bobby Charlton has labelled the return of Manchester United “dinosaur” Paul Scholes as one of the best bits of news ever.

ADVICE from Manchester United team-mate and former Toffees striker Wayne Rooney helped convince new Everton midfielder Darron Gibson to move to Goodison Park.

Ryan Giggs wishes his old mate Paul Scholes had not quit in the summer - because he knows Manchester United will never find another like him.

FORMER Premier League top gun Andy Cole insists Fernando Torres will deliver for Chelsea and that questioning his goalscoring ability following the Spaniard’s record move to Stamford Bridge from Liverpool is ridiculous.

Wayne Rooney was relieved to be welcomed back to the pitch by Manchester United fans at the weekend but admits he was nervous about their reaction.

DIMITAR BERBATOV continued in his role as the big success story of the new Manchester United season although his defensive colleagues are still showing a penchant for self-destruction which could yet unhinge the club’s title bid.

NOW that’s how you start a season. Almost. Some of us are yet to acclimatise after summer hibernation. With a dreary World Cup failing to deflect attention away from inevitable squabbles about our managerial shortcomings (past and present) and a player exodus still not materialising, we’re suddenly blinded by new term’s glare.

WAYNE ROONEY is in line to face an Airtricity League XI in the first football match at the Aviva Stadium in Dublin on August 4.

Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson intends to send striker Danny Welbeck and midfielder Tom Cleverley on loan to Barclays Premier League clubs in the coming season.

THE temptation to now do what I usually do in these situations – bang on for at least 300 words about how marvellous Paul Scholes is, and why he is still our favourite player – is great indeed.

THERE may have been something symbolic in the way in which Alex Ferguson put together his team for the most important derby in his near quarter of a century in Manchester football, packing the team with Gary Neville, Paul Scholes and Ryan Giggs, three homegrown players with a combined age of 106 and the experience of many glorious campaigns past.

WHEN I first glanced at the Craven Cottage team sheet, I thought Fergie had done a ‘Mick McCarthy’. No such luck: this, apparently, was the best team we could put out. What a fitting way to round off an ignominious week.

THE consequences of Manchester United’s spectacular act of self-destruction at Fulham will become clear in the fullness of time but you know there must be something wrong at Old Trafford when Alex Ferguson greets an international break with something approaching relief.

IN an era when foreign players dominate the higher echelons of the game, Sunderland manager Roy Keane maintains that at the core of every club there should be local heroes.

IF there was one reason for United being able to go one better in 2007/08 compared to last season’s slight shortfall, then it was surely the injection of the Latino vitamin-booster into the squad’s body: Tevez, Anderson and Nani have all exceeded expectations and made the difference — we hope — between being also-rans and continental kings.

EDWIN VAN DER SAR has given an insight into how tough life is for goalkeepers in England.

Henrik Larsson claims the current Manchester United team cannot be classed as a great side until they start landing the game’s biggest prizes.

THEY were the symbols of his life. Personal reminders of a life cut so cruelly short.

Rio Ferdinand admitted games against Liverpool had been kind to him in recent years as he hit the target for Manchester United in a 2-0 victory at Old Trafford today.

MANCHESTER UNITED and England star Rio Ferdinand turned the airwaves blue yesterday after calling DJ Chris Moyles a “faggot” live on air.

Manchester United and England star Rio Ferdinand turned the airwaves blue today after calling DJ Chris Moyles a “faggot” live on air.

Wayne Rooney has hailed Alex Ferguson as “probably the best manager of all time” and predicted Manchester United would have a massive say in the destination of the Barclays Premiership trophy this season.

ROY KEANE has vowed Manchester United will ‘lick their wounds’ and return stronger and more determined for their FA Cup Final heartbreak.

Roy Keane has admitted it is "crunch time" in Manchester United’s pursuit of honours.

Gary Neville has claimed there is a genuine feeling at Manchester United that Chelsea can slip up in the title race.