Six things we learned from the Roy Keane book

1. That Alfe Inge Haaland still won’t be getting a Christmas card from Roy.

Or an apology.

2. Come to think of it, his old mentor Alex Ferguson shouldn’t wait up for his pressie either on Christmas morning. There’ll be no emotional rapprochement there.

3. John O’Shea did a better job than super agent Jorge Mendes in getting Cristiano Ronaldo a move from Sporting to Old Trafford in 2003 by playing “like a clown” in a pre-season friendly.

4. Don’t mention the G word: Ireland’s opponents Gibraltar this week may bring up bad memories for Keane, after Alex Ferguson’s ill-fated association with the horse Rock of Gibraltar.

5. That Patrick Vieira might have become the undisputed champion of Highbury if he and Keane had actually come to blows in their tunnel row. “If it had come to a fight, Patrick could probably have killed me.”

6. Sunderland’s dressing room wasn’t quite where Roy found his Waterloo. The Corkman wasn’t impressed by the players’ choice of Abba as a pre-match tune. He’s a Dylan man, don’t you know.

“They were going to play a match, men v men... fucking ‘Dancing Queen’.”