Teachers find their place in the sun
April is the cruellest month, so let's start there.
It's Easter, when teachers will get to re-evaluate their pedagogical appendages on the French Riviera, and wonder how they can get their uncertified spouses to continue acting as supply teachers (while still putting the boot into those who are trying to earn their spurs in cyberspace).
May Day will see Labour install a raft of new faces in the Laois-Offaly constituency in preparation for the next general election. They will bear a striking resemblance to the present incumbents, and will have their names changed by deed poll to Cowen, Moloney, Fleming, Parlon, Enright and Flanagan (Charles II).
August will see the break-up of the European Union, as Poland makes a unilateral declaration of independence in solidarnosc with the oppressed people of Roscommon. Nobody notices any difference as the cheques continue to arrive like clockwork.
Cork will again make the All-Ireland hurling final in September, but after shooting 114 wides, they will lose by 2 points to Kilkenny's 1-1. The ref will be man of the match.
January: the first sod will be turned on the new soccer-rugby complex at Lansdowne Road.
February will be cancelled due to lack of interest (and inclement weather).
March: the second sod will be turned at the proposed new complex at Lansdowne Road... and so on, ad infinitum.
June will be grand especially in Barbados or Australia. So, don't stick around here getting soaked.
October: the clocks have gone back, prices have gone up, Kerry makes a unilateral declaration of independence and Poland invades Germany. Now the Czechs are in the maelstrom.
November: France installs an interim Sixth Republic, asking George W Bush for help. The president promises to do what he can, but loses the White House to a stoic wife in New York.
Richard Dowling,
Coote Street,
Mountrath,
Co Laois.
