What Varadkar should say to Biden around the shamrock bowl (but probably won't)

Taoiseach Leo Varadkar with President Joe Biden in the Oval Office at the White House.

Leo Varadkar: Mr President.

Joe Biden: Leee…Leo…you're so welcome. How is everybody back on the old sod?

LV: They're good, Mr President. They're impatient but go-

JB: I remember when I was in Ballina last year, Leo, I remember the warmth. The affection. I thought, my God! I felt home, Leo. I felt safe 

LV: Yes, well, about that Mr Presid- 

JB: Tell me, Leo, tell me where's this shamrock from? I'm guessing Gorteen, maybe? Borrisoleigh, perhaps?

LV: Eh, Kerry, I’m told. And the bowl is Dingle Crystal, took over 50 hours to make and...no wait, we need to talk about something else, Mr President.

JB: We sure do! You know who I got a message from, Leo? A priest. Fr. Brendan from a small parish in Pennsyl-

LV: We need to talk about Gaza. We need to talk about what you can do to stop it...

JB: Now, Leo. I don't know who's briefing you. But, you might have seen we've got guys on the ground there 

LV: I did see, Mr President. I saw the trucks drive in. Past the aid trucks. And I assume they drove out again. Past the desperate women and children. Past the corpses.

JB: Now, now Leo. Today is not the day for such heavy dis- 

LV: Today is the day, Joe. You know how much flak I took to come here from the 'old sod'? You know how bad this looks? Support for Palestine is rooted deep in the Irish psyche, it goes far beyond flag-waving and marches. Irish people expect their government to take a stand, to speak up for Palestinians, to call bullshit on those who claim to help but are clearly doing the opposite.

JB: I think you forget where you are, Leo. This is my house and you are my guest. Best grip and grin and remember who's buttering your spuds.

LV: With respect, Joseph. Last year you came to Ireland. As our guest. And you stood there and told us “IRELAND REMEMBERS". Well, Joe. This is Ireland remembering. Ireland remembers centuries of colonisation and oppression, it’s embedded in the national soul. But now you, our ally, the country that helped us find peace on our island, you're financing a genocide in Gaza. A war on children. A war on women. It's within your power.

JB: You people. You have no clue. You're an inconsequential rock in the ocean. You can wave your flags all you want. I know. I've been doing this shit before you were a glint in your mama’s eye, Leo. Where's Enda? I preferred him. That guy knew how to tell a story. How to down a pint. You're mistaking me for some weak-ass Kennedy.

LV: I'm mistaking you for a man of principle, Joe. You realise if you came “home” to Ballina tomorrow, there'd be nobody there. Nobody would come. Except with their Palestinian flags and their keffiyehs. You've wasted whatever nostalgic notion of connection between us on the endorsement of a genocide. Not the legacy old Edward Blewitt hoped for you when he set sail, I'm sure. You can’t ‘Mayo for Sam’ your way out of this. Since we started talking, children have starved to death.

JB: Ya know Leo, there’s an old Irish saying...

LV: Ah forget about it, I’m going home.