Lord of the Dance to retire: Flatley leaves the limelight

WANTED: Charismatic, unrelenting, imaginative, high-energy, world-class dancer (35 toe-taps a second is the required standard) to help change how a staid traditional idiom is perceived.

The successful applicant will also show that, after disagreements with former colleagues, they would have the emotional and intellectual capacity to build their own record-breaking international show and the physical capacity to remain the lead dancer in that touring show until they reach 55.

Razor-sharp business acumen and the ability to play the flute to a world standard would be an advantage. A commitment to philanthropy and heritage restoration would be influential also.