Important message: Beware texts claiming to be important messages

THIS column is a warning and an apology. At bedtime last Thursday, I hit the scratcher and went to sleep. An hour later, my phone chirped. It was a text. Would I emerge from a good dream to deal with it? No. Just as sleep reclaimed me, the phone chirped that it had an email. 

To hell with it, I thought. Then, it chirped again, and soon — like labour contractions — the gaps between the noises narrowed to three minutes.

I figured World War Three had broken out, so I put the lights on and squinted at the phone. It had a line of messages, like a necklace, in its email inbox.