You must be spaced-out to apply for this job ...

THE one-way ticket is a powerful motif.

You must be spaced-out to apply for this job ...

It marks the end of one chapter of life and the beginning of another, uncertain one. Boney-M sang about having a “one-way ticket, one-way ticket to the blues/Choo, choo train chuggin’ down the track” . I have felt that pain. Recently, I lost a return train ticket and was forced to
 [chokes back the tears] 
 sorry, I can’t talk about it. It’s still too raw.

Now, there is a one-way ticket of even more significance than paying €62.50 to get to Dublin. The Dutch organisation, Mars One, has opened the selection process for astronauts to travel to Mars. With the unpredictable effects of a seven-month journey and living in a Martian environment alien to the astronauts’ physiques, they might not be able to return.

Mars One hope to have four humans there by 2023. There will be people on Mars before water meters are installed in all Irish homes. The future is here.

It’s been a while coming. It’s only two years till 2015, the year in the film, Back To The Future II. We expected to be going around on hover skateboards by now. (For most Irish people, when it came out in 1985, Back to the Future looked futuristic — especially the scenes set in 1985 America).

Space is back on the agenda. NASA intends to capture an asteroid. The Chinese have a plan to travel to the moon to mine helium-3 for nuclear fusion. Commander Chris Hadfield’s photographs and videos, sent from the International Space Station, are captivating us. He is flying over Ireland a suspicious amount of times, leading people to suspect he is involved in the maps for the local property tax. (At least some of the valuations must have been done by space cadets).

Before we get distracted by ‘pi in the sky’, there are practical considerations for the first group of astronauts on that one-way trip. How much will they be paid? Who will stick up for their rights in any Croke Park-style bargaining? After all, you can’t get more front-line than a worker in space. On the other hand, is it reasonable to expect them to pay tax when they won’t be availing of any services? If you think non-parents are disgruntled about funding children’s allowance, imagine how annoyed you’d be on Mars to know you’re contributing to the needs of an entire species? Maybe they should be declared self-employed and file their return, when they return.

Applications are open — all you have to do is record a one-minute video. Be warned, though, there will be a reality TV element to the whole process. So, a bit like The Voice Of Ireland, except in space no one can hear you scream. Though that shouldn’t put off anyone determined to get there, one way or another.

More in this section

Revoiced

Newsletter

Sign up to the best reads of the week from irishexaminer.com selected just for you.

Cookie Policy Privacy Policy Brand Safety FAQ Help Contact Us Terms and Conditions

© Examiner Echo Group Limited