Sexual equality comes at a price — for men too

NOT too long ago a (female) friend dared me to use the word ‘menstrual’ in this column: not so much out of juvenile playfulness but to demonstrate there are certain bodily functions which no one wants to read about or even contemplate.

Men, she maintained, don’t want to know about women’s monthly cycles and women don’t want to discuss them with men. She was, it transpired, unaware of The Female Eunuch and Germaine Greer’s exhortation to women to become more familiar with their bodily workings: an idea which met with bafflement and no small amount of disgust.

Greer’s basic thesis in 1970 was that women have been ‘desexed’ by a patriarchal society, and one could argue this is no longer the case. Women generally feel they have domain over their bodies, desires and lives in general. The world is, of course, still run by middle-aged white guys, yet it would be rare enough to find a young woman nowadays who feels the future trajectory of her life will be limited by her gender. In certain professions and areas of life, it still might be more difficult for a woman to succeed, but certainly not impossible.

Yet on the other hand, this can feel like a total con. Thanks to the internet, the language of pornography has entered the mainstream, and the not-so-subtle pressures of fashion and marketing have forced women to comply.

Woman may enjoy many more freedoms than they did in the 1970s, but it seems as if the price for that is to always look the part. Beauty is still the ultimate achievement. Our media presents countless images of successful, confident women, yet hotness is always an integral part of the package.

But this is not to argue that men still have it all their own way. In the media, women routinely celebrate their gender and each other’s achievements. Men never do. Indeed, the subtext seems to be that it would be somehow offensive for men to celebrate maleness: like a Ku Klux Klan reunion.

Of course it’s made even more difficult now by defining what ‘maleness’ is anyway. Teenage girls can, with relative ease, identify female role models who embody ‘empowerment’ and the various other 21st century clichés. It’s a much more difficult proposition for young males. And for many of them, they may grow up not sure how to be.

Just as for women, the marketplace gives us mixed messages. Nowadays, many if not most men want to do their fair share about the house. But a recent study says such domesticated men have less sex with their partners. You just can’t win.