The race for the Áras is holding the nation’s attention — up to a point

TWO men in a pub and their conversation turns to the Presidential Election.

Man 1: This race for the Áras is turning into great sport, isn’t?

Man 2: Sport? Is that what you call it? Some kind of game? Millions going to be spent on filling a job that doesn’t matter.

Man 1: Oh come on, the job mattered didn’t it when Queen Elizabeth visited? You need a good host when visitors come, somebody you can send out of the country to represent us and you’ll be happy that they won’t let you down.

Man 2: Maybe, but the way things are going we won’t be inviting anyone or sending a president anywhere because we won’t be able to afford to send anyone.

The economy is a mess, the world is teetering on the verge of the biggest economic crisis since the Great Depression of 1929 and we’re arguing about who should be president. When are we going to get some sense?

Man 1: We can’t throw our hands up in despair. We need a president who can go and get business for us, who can hold the head high in international company.

Man 2: And do you think any of the candidates offer that?

Man 1: I do actually. I think we’re far too cynical about people. We’re always picking at their faults and rarely acknowledge their strengths. Everyone in that race has made something of their life, often to the great benefit of others, some more than others.

Man 2: Can we not give them “People of the Year” awards so as a thank you for being good citizens, a reward without having to incur the costs of keeping them up in the big house in the Phoenix Park?

Man 1: Look, they have to show us their CVs, but they can be asked now during the campaign debates about what they’d do as president, to show that electing them would be worthwhile.

Man 2: Will your man Norris get a nomination? He seems a bit different to the rest of those politicians. He looks as if he has a bit of fun about him, that he’d bring a bit of life to the Áras, not being too po-faced or serious. I might vote for him if I have to vote for someone.

Man 1: He’s a bit different alright.

Man 2: Sorry, is that a bit of homophobia I detect?

Man 1: No, no. I have nothing against gays, honestly. I’m all for civil partnership and the rest of it, no problem at all, I’d even favour same sex marriage if I had to. I just think the way he handled that all stuff about his boyfriend was a bit off and the prison sentence in Israel that Norris tried to get off him.

I don’t like any of these politicians writing letters to judges looking for softer sentences. If you can’t do the time don’t do the crime.

I’d give out about a Fianna Fáil TD doing it, so why should I say it’s OK for Norris to do it, especially when his partner was convicted of having sex with a 15-year-old boy? I don’t like the way he used his position, or talked himself up in the letter to the Israelis.

Man 2: Oh, get a grip will you. I thought it showed how human he is. He must have been so hurt by what his partner had done but he still loved him enough to make every effort on his behalf. You call me cynical but surely that’s impressive and understandable?

Man 1: And what about the 15-year-old boy? What justice did he get?

Man 2: Come on. Norris has spent his whole life seeking justice for people. If it hadn’t been for him we’d still be a backward nation that regards homosexuality between consenting adults as a sin and something that should be treated as a crime.

He has a serious track record of making this country a better place than it was and should be respected for that. Let me guess, you’d vote for Dana if she got a nomination, just because she sang some bloody song that won a contest over 40 years ago.

Man 1: I’m not telling you who’d I vote for. But I will tell you what I don’t like about Norris.

I think it’s all about his ego, about how the job can puff him up, not what he can do in it. He loves the idea of the comeback, all about burnishing his self-image.

Man 2: So you won’t tell me who you’re voting for but you can tell me that you won’t vote for Norris. That’s interesting. And do you believe it’s not about Dana’s ego? Or any of the rest of them? Show me the person who puts themselves in front of an electorate who doesn’t have an ego.

Man 1: I doubt if Martin McGuinness has one. He’ll even do the job for the average industrial wage. There’s commitment for you. He’s a committed Catholic, he doesn’t drink, he’s been very good to his neighbours in recent years, sharing power with them.

Man 2: And what about his past?

Man 1: Can we not let that go? Why is everybody so caught up in the past? He says he didn’t kill anybody. He worked for peace. He’s proven himself as a bigger man those most. He is like an Irish Mandela.

Man 2: I thought you were a big Gay Byrne fan. He says you can’t trust a word those Shinners tell you.

He says that they look at you and lie. You’d have voted for Gaybo if he’d run. Would you not take his advice now about McGuinness?

Man 1: Gay’s entitled to his opinion.

Man 2: Do you think it’s a good idea that a man who led an illegal organisation, the Provisional IRA, that killed and maimed thousands of Irish and British people, and which denied the legitimacy of this State and of its army, should be commander in chief of our defence forces, in place on O’Connell Street outside the GPO in Easter 2016 for the centenary of our Easter Rising?

Man 1: To honour the blood sacrifice to establish this state? You bet. Makes sense really doesn’t it.

Man 2: Blood sacrifice, sweet divine! That’s the type of talk that has led to thousands of people being killed needlessly in this country over the years.

Man 1: All behind us now.

Man 2: You want to reward the killers for stopping their killing?

Man 1: We’ve done it before. If we say it’s good enough to let them into government north of the border, why not south? You’re starting to sound like Gay Mitchell now.

Man 2: Ah yes, the Fine Gael man who shares many of your conservative social values, even if you try to tell me you’re as liberal as I am.

You’re getting a bit confused about you want now aren’t you? You’ll be calling him a “west Brit” next.

Man 1: Well doesn’t it prove my point that it’s all great sport? Michael D Higgins in there as well, getting all eloquent and passionate and making us thing about things, Sean Gallagher doing his inspirational speeches about getting up and doing things, Mary Davis showing the practical way of achieving great things in the community, as she has done for years with Special Olympics and which she could do as president. Great choice.

Man 2: And give David Norris his chance too. You keep leaving him out.

Man 1: See you are interested.

Man 2: To a point, to a point.

The Last Word with Matt Cooper is broadcast on 100-102 Today FM, Monday to Friday, 4.30 to 7pm.