US elections set to struggle without Callely after whip scuppers odyssey

AMERICAN democracy was briefly braced for an unexpected intervention last night as it was revealed none other than Ivor Callely had placed himself on standby to monitor elections in the home of the brave and the land of the free (lunch).

The shameless senator may have stopped listening to the escalating all-party demands for him to quit the Upper House over his extraordinary expense claims that even the gardaí have taken an interest in, but Ever Ready Ivor was all ears when a taxpayer-funded travel opportunity to the States arose.

Ivor’s buddies at the Organisation for Security and Co-operation in Europe had invited him to represent the Oireachtas as an overseer of America’s mid-term elections on November 2, he told Leinster House authorities – there was just that little matter of his 20-day suspension from the Seanad for “intentionally misrepresenting” his normal residence in his expense claims.

Being the gentlemen’s club that it is, the Seanad said the suspension was no bar to his American odyssey, but Government chief whip John Curran put his foot down, insisting Ivor had been “removed” from the relevant Oireachtas committee and was therefore no longer eligible for the jolly.

Though this “removal” appeared to be news to the Oireachtas, perhaps it’s just as well because Ivor was never very good at geography – as exemplified by his claiming travel expenses for the 740km round trip to his west Cork holiday residence when his family home was just up the road from Leinster House. On the other hand, Callely has always been very good at counting – just note that defiant €15 at the end of his €81,015 mileage bill in a mere two years.

So hanging chads would have held no fear for our intrepid Clontarf/west Cork lad.

Enthusiastic Ivor also told Oireachtas officials he’d been invited to monitor October’s Bosnian elections.

Oh Ivor, don’t you think Bosnia’s suffered enough?