Dear Dáithí: Is it wrong to use dating apps if I don't plan to take chats offline? 

I'm a single parent and I'm lonely. I haven't ruled out meeting someone in the future and settling down with them, but it's not something I want in my life just now

'I think you should at least meet that online person for coffee. What's the worst thing that could happen?

Dear Dáithí,

I’m a single parent with one young child. I don’t live near family, and my circumstances mean I am home most evenings with my child, except occasionally when I go out and a family member would travel to mind my little one.

There are times when I feel very lonely. I don’t have many friends nearby as I moved here for work.

I haven’t ruled out meeting someone in the future and settling down with them, but it’s not something I want in my life just now. That said, I occasionally scroll on some of the dating apps and have started conversations with a few people over the past few months.

The thing is, I don’t plan on taking any of these chats or potential relationships offline.

There was one person in particular I feel like I had built up a bit of an online relationship with. I looked forward to messaging them and seeing how they were getting on.

They have suggested meeting up in real life, but I always find an excuse so that doesn’t happen.

I think he’s starting to get the hint that it may never happen, and I feel a bit guilty about that.

Is it wrong to start chatting with people on the dating apps when I have no intention of taking it any further? Or should I tell people from the get-go that I’m only on the apps for the chats and don’t actually want to really date anyone right now because of my circumstances?

At the moment, it seems you are in a cycle, and we all know what that means: You’re going round and around chasing your tail. What happens then if you continue like this and turn around one day and your child has gone to college, and you are left there on your own, wondering how you came to this point in life, the same life that has passed you by!

There is only one way to break this cycle, and that is you need to change a few things, which leads us to another issue. That is where you will get the time to do something about it and who will help you achieve your goal. 

At this point, I’m still unsure what this goal is, and only you can answer this: Is it to meet someone special, not be lonely going forward, make new friends, or maybe all of the above? No matter what, you need a change.

Part of the isolation has been caused by you moving away from your family and friends for work. I know work is very important — and you moved to this job for a reason, so you must like it — but you really need to ask yourself if this job is worth the downside of being away from family and friends, which is leading to loneliness.

You are a single parent with a child, and you work, but you need to have a life too. It does sound like if you were nearer to family, things might be a little easier. So, I think you should have a think about this.

I think many people these days are on these dating apps just like you, but you say you don’t want to take any of the chats offline: why not? If you close the door straight away on this, they will certainly never come offline.

Not that I know much about online dating, but apparently this is the way people do it in 2026 — totally alien to people my age, but it works for younger folk, and if you’re a single parent with little spare time, it might be your only option at the moment.

All that said, there is this one person who you love getting messages from, so you obviously like them even though you haven’t met. I believe this is totally normal with online dating, and you are closing the door on them by fobbing them off. They obviously like you too if they are asking to meet. If you don’t like them after 10 minutes, you get up, and you walk away.

Can I ask you a question? What are you afraid of? Did something bad happen in a previous relationship? If so, you need to examine that, but you can’t carry it forward into the next. If you do like this person and deep down would like to meet them despite your fears, send a message and go and meet them; it’s not a marriage proposal. 

Explain to them too, before you meet, why you were slow when it came to agreeing to meet; being honest will go a long way here. You should do this too if you really want to meet sooner rather than later.

The fact you’re feeling guilty does suggest you might want to really meet them.

Outside of the online world here, it’s important to remember we all live in the real world and another question I have is where the other parent of your child is, because there is only one of you doing any of the lifting here, and that is you.

I’m not sure if they are around or what, but if they are, they need to start helping you out here. Again, only you will know the full story here, but you should make that happen. Your family knows the situation here too, and they will be there for you if you ask. 

I feel that you don’t want to bother them with this, but I’m sure they would be delighted to see you happier. We can be very slow asking for this kind of help sometimes, and we shouldn’t be.

I know I had a few more questions in my answer this week than normal, but the questions are there to make you think about things. I know moving jobs might be a big move, but what you need is a work-life balance that will make life easier.

Also, you need to think about your child growing up around family and friends more too — something to think about. I think you should at least meet that online person for coffee. What’s the worst thing that could happen? And if that other parent is around, they need to start lightening your load.

Finally, stop overthinking and just do it and break that cycle!