Should you send that midnight text? Or call Gen Z at all? 11 essential rules for phone etiquette

What about using voice notes, or ringtones in public? Experts give EMINE SANER their verdict on how to use your phone without causing offence

People feel that text messages seem more casual, but to a recipient, they can feel more urgent and put pressure on them to reply

It is not news that many of us are addicted to our phones and nor is it a revelation that inconsiderate public behaviour now appears to be the norm, but when the two collide it can cause anger.

So, what is the correct etiquette when using your phone? Myka Meier, author of Modern Etiquette Made Easy, says: “It is always thinking about other people before yourself when you’re on the phone.”

It is clear is that many of us need a quick refresher on modern phone etiquette. We spoke to the experts.

When should you switch off your phone?

“Phones should be there to complement our lives,” says William Hanson, author of Just Good Manners. “I think anywhere we are forgetting the human beings around us, the phone should be switched off.”

In a theatre or cinema, even if you think you’re being discreet, checking your messages on a bright phone is ruining someone else’s escapism. Hanson, who is moving into acting, is about to do a six-week run in London in musical Titanique. “My character has an ad-lib section, and I’ve chosen to talk about audience behaviour, and I will be talking about phones.”

Is it ever OK to have your phone on the table in a restaurant?

Hanson says not only should you keep your phone off the table and out of sight, but you should switch it off, so it is not a distraction. Unless you are an on-call transplant surgeon or similar, the notification can almost certainly wait.

What if you are waiting for an urgent call?

If you are expecting an important call, tell the person you are with at the beginning, says Meier, and never take the call at the table. Take it outside, away from the communal area.

Is a call on loudspeaker ever acceptable in a public place?

I love listening to other people’s conversations, but it turns out many people don’t share my view. “It is that brazen idea that whatever you are doing is more important [than what others are doing],” says Hanson. It is even worse, says Meier, when other people can’t get away, because they’re next to you on the train, for instance.

What about ringtones and keypad bleeps?

Unless you rely on a phone’s sounds, perhaps because of vision or hearing loss, all noises should be switched off in public, says Mariah Humbert, an expert on etiquette and author of What Do I Do? “Our phones have evolved now, where the vibrate options are very user-friendly,” she says.

When should you wear headphones?

“Headphones are an absolute must any time you want to listen to something on your phone,” says Humbert.

But if you are interacting with someone, take them out, “even if it’s a two-second interaction – as you pay for your coffee in a shop, or the train conductor comes to punch your ticket. That gesture is one of those micro-moments where you can show that person the respect they deserve.”

Are voice notes acceptable?

Notwithstanding accessibility needs, the use of voice notes largely depends on the relationship, say all the experts. I would add that it also depends on their content. Amusing and short recordings are acceptable; long and rambling ones are not. Meier says you should tell someone if you don’t want to receive voice notes.

Hanson is a fan of voice notes for keeping in touch with friends it is hard to catch up with, perhaps if they are in a different time zone.

What hours are acceptable to text someone in?

Again, it depends on the relationship. “My husband, I’m just going to text him,” says Hanson. But for many people: “I think the onus is on the sender to respect the recipient’s time. You can schedule texts. It might be midnight your time, but you can schedule it to go the next morning.”

For work-related messages, Hanson thinks between 8am and 7pm is acceptable. Meier adds that you should resist the temptation to text anything business-related after usual office hours. “People feel that text messages seem more casual,” she says, but to a recipient, they can feel more urgent and put pressure on them to reply. After hours, she says: “I would send an email and let the person get back to you as and when they need.”

Should you reply to texts straight away?

Meier says, despite the immediacy of texts: “I think it’s fair to give somebody the grace period of a business day, socially or professionally.”

If you can tell the other person needs a quick response but you can’t give it, it’s considerate to let them know, says Humbert.

Should you call someone from Gen Z without prior warning?

If you’re older, it’s tempting to feel dismissive of the trend among Gen Z (those born between the mid-’90s and early 2010s) towards phone call phobia, but that is to miss the changing meaning of phone calls. They are now considered much more invasive, says Dr Zoetanya Sujon, programme director for communications and media at the London College of Communication.

Young people, says Sujon, use phones in a different way from older people. Calls are not their primary means of communication, or they are used to ringing only people close to them, rather than strangers or in a professional situation “so the contexts are very different”.

To a phone-phobic younger generation, a phone call is akin to turning up at someone’s house unannounced.

Should you use full stops?

I have been told by younger people that my full stops in messages and thumbs up emojis are abrupt and rude. I already know the crying-laughing face is “cringe”, but I consider good punctuation thoughtful and polite, and how can a thumbs up be anything but friendly positivity?

Beware the generational differences, says Humbert (who is Gen Z). “It’s with punctuation, abbreviations, emoji use. Tone and intention can be misconstrued in texting, so if it’s something important where you really want your tone to come across properly, it might be better as a phone call. But it’s definitely a generational thing to see a message as having a lack of emotion, or being rude, but I don’t think that’s how the older generation means for it to come across.”

The Guardian

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