Ask Audrey: Lanzarote for Christmas? Not if you're from the richest family in Ballintemple

Sorting out Cork people for ages

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

It’s getting energy efficient on our WhatsApp group, Douglas Road Stunners Whose BER Rating is Better than Yours. Jess_I_Confess kicked it all off yesterday when she posted a Gif of a shivering polar bear saying “Baaa-ltic”. We suspended her for six weeks because you’re not allowed to say Baltic on the Douglas Road when it’s cold — we prefer Alpine. Then Orla_NewTesla said she turned up her heating today and there was a pile-on because our houses are all insulated up the ying-yang and she was accused of wrecking the planet. Bronagh_OwnATesla said she hasn’t turned on her heating since 2021 now that her gaff has an A2 energy rating and you could have started an actual fire with the people mocking her for having such a dire house, because you’re supposed to be A1 and nothing more down our neck of the woods. Cliona_AmazingCheekBones said she doesn’t like to boast (!!) but her house actually has a higher rating than an A1, it’s a secret rating that is only available to the very top table in Cork society. I’m not sure whether I believe her, particularly after her recent claim she got a blood transfusion from a minor German aristocrat. Do you know a BER inspector I can talk to? 

— Jenni, Douglas Road