Diary of a Gen Z Student: Let's celebrate the girls who listen to tales of romantic woe

Jane Cowan: 'Being friends with girls is a full time occupation. We are essentially on call, round the clock, just waiting to jump into action the second our friend’s suitor responds to a text. He doesn’t breathe without our knowing about it.'

So, the big day is here.

Galentine’s, that is. It’s an official feast day on the female calendar. On February 13, we gather, drink wine, bake cookies, craft, light candles, buy each other gifts, and declare our love for our girlfriends.

Because, while the 14th is about celebrating romantic love, many forgotten soldiers are forgotten in the fight for love.

Do you know who has earned recognition in these trying times of casual dating and situationships? The girls who listen endlessly to your tales of romantic woe.

I would include male friendships in this need to celebrate your friends at this time of year. But in all honesty, I have no idea if boys even talk about their dating lives. Maybe I’m being unfair on the lads. But I wouldn’t be surprised if they just half grunt the name of their girlfriend to the lads while they’re watching a football match or comparing biceps, or whatever it is boys get up to.

I wouldn’t know. Being friends with girls is a full time occupation; I don’t have time for much else.

I don’t think our work that goes into romantic relationships is appreciated. Particularly in those early, tentative stages of dating, when things hang in the balance, when getting a relationship over the line may seem unlikely. Sure, there’s work on the part of the two people who are negotiating the relationship. But the girls who stay up late on their weeknights, waiting for the post-date debrief?

We are overworked and underpaid. Glorified staff without the benefit of overtime pay. We become quasi-psychotherapists, fashion stylists, hairdressers, and life coaches for our friends. 

We are essentially on call, round the clock, waiting to jump into action the second our friend’s suitor responds to a text. He doesn’t breathe without our knowing about it.

As we all know, when you’re in the early stages of seeing someone, it’s not always easy to keep your cool. Each throwaway remark and text will require careful analysis.

Jane Cowan: 'Female friends have your best interest at heart. And it is their responsibility to tell you if you’re about to let some boy with a nice smile ruin your life.' Picture: Moya Nolan

If you’re struggling to think rationally, it’s no wonder, you will call in your consultants. Did you have fun on the date because you were on a date with a fun person? Or did you have fun because you are a fun person and you were drinking wine?

You may also wonder: do I like him, or am I being blinded by his floppy hair? Your friends will be drafted in to listen to every last detail of every interaction.

And if we’re all being honest with ourselves, these girls are like the board of directors for our love lives. They have your best interest at heart. And it is their responsibility to tell you if you’re about to let some boy with a nice smile ruin your life.

Really, this is one of the greatest parts of girlhood. Squealing over Facetime and stalking a boy’s mother on Facebook to find photos of the ‘real’ him. It never gets old. And I will always look forward to hearing the nitty gritty about my friend’s dating life. Where the date was, what she wore, if his shoes were velcro (red flag). You know, the important stuff.

But, for girls, the job of being a good friend also involves being there for the heartbreaks. Listening to the ranting and delivering chocolate to your friend’s bedside — that’s a major part of the deal.

You may have to listen to the same story on repeat for weeks on end. Each time you must receive the story with utmost sympathy for your friend. This is crucial.

You cannot criticise her need to rehash the same scenario for six weeks, because in time, she will probably be doing the same for you. You’ve got to smile, and bring tissues, and watch The Notebook until she is ready to move on from the heartbreak.

You are never allowed to pose questions like ‘do you think you were wrong?’ Because that is not what girlhood is about: it is about unwavering loyalty to your side, the girls. And the only reasonable response is ‘He didn’t deserve you’. No matter the circumstances, it is always true. We refuse to entertain any other reality.

So that’s why today, February 13, is a day for your girlfriends. You might be wining and dining with a man tomorrow, or you might not. But the girls who have kept you standing for this long? They’ve been around longer than any guy. And that deserves some celebration.