Listen — Ask Audrey: '99s are for Norries and everyone knows it'

How do you convince a posh wan to houseswap for a three-bed semi in North Cork? Asking for a friend

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

It’s getting alarming on our WhatsApp group, Douglas Road Stunners Who Think 99s are for Norries. Lorna_ArtisanGelato said there was war in Clonakilty last night when her daughter Belle asked for a 99. Lorna said, "soz now Belle-a-rino, but putting a flake in ice cream is the kind of thing you’d expect from someone whose Dad drove a bus for a living." 

We banned Lorna on the spot because saying you were in Clonakilty is basically admitting that you couldn’t afford Schull, and you’d probably struggle to get your son into Pres. But it also set the alarm bells ringing because 50% of being a Douglas Road Stunner is posting 'Living My Best Life' shots on Instagram, showing you eating ice cream by the sea with your perfect kids on a Tuesday afternoon. (It’s our way of saying 'I don’t need to work.')