Ask Audrey: 'I went to Ballydesmond and all I got was the Clap'

Sorting out Cork people for ages

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

Hello it’s Rosealeen here in Ballydesmond. Jesus Christ, you can’t move in north Cork this time of year without a busy body trying to sign you up to a committee. Poor Berna went out to get a sliced pan on Saturday morning and didn’t she up as Head of Vision (South-East Asia) for the Tidy Towns crowd. I said what does Head of Vision South East-Asia mean, and she said your guess is as good as mine, but it was either that or Chief Creative Monkey and I didn’t want people laughing at me. I bumped into Hannah Mac on my way out of Mass and long story short, I’m Junior Vice-President for the Visit Ballydesmond tourism push. God forgive me for speaking ill of my native town, but I’m not sure that Ballydesmond would fare well in a direct comparison with Venice. Or Valentia. They asked me to come up with a catchy tourism slogan for the town and didn’t I suggest: “At least you’re not in Scartaglin.” Up on the billboards it went anyway and wasn’t Murty T on his way back from doing a bit of fly-tipping on the Kerry side yesterday, when he saw a digital sign no less on the border saying “I went to Ballydesmond and all I got was the Clap.” Is that a fair response, tell me?  

- Rosealeen, Ballydesmond.