Ask Audrey: All my friends have Covid now and I’m feeling a bit left out

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

Hello, it’s Rosealeen here in Ballydesmond. What does a girl have to do to get a dose of Omicron in this town and surrounding country side? All my friends have it now and I’m feeling a bit left out. It’s so bad that Berna managed to test positive yesterday, a woman so shite at picking up things that she once came home without a man from the Macra dance in Newmarket. We have a Facebook page called What’s Happening in Ballydesmond – it’s usually quieter than a Scartaglin man when the calls goes out looking for a volunteer. But it’s been buzzing all week with gowls talking about their mild Omicron symptoms and sharing photos of their positive antigen tests, there’s a want in some people. Anyway, didn’t Lorraine from the road below tag me in a comment, the bitch, saying that I was a notable absentee from the chat, and asking if I was alright? Well Audrey, the problem is that I am alright! I’m doing antigen tests four times a day and all it’s giving me is an inflamed nose like one of those country doctors who is a bit fond of his booze. Short of licking somebody - which I wouldn’t advise up here in north Cork unless you’re on your third gin – do you know how I can get my hands on some Omicron? 

- Rosealeen, Ballydesmond.