Ask Audrey: How can you tell if a bee is from the northside?

Sorting out Cork people for ages

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

Hello it’s Rosealeen here in Ballydesmond. It isn’t just the crowd above in Donegal that are having massive wakes and funerals, tis like Mardi Gras itself in north Cork with all the socialising going on. I was bitching about it to my cousin Berna yesterday and didn’t she rear up at me and say why don’t you do something about it so without burning a hole in my ear with your ullagoning, ya daft old witch. (She’s very cross these days, it isn’t easy being a life-long Liverpool fan.)
Anyway, didn’t I take a leaf out of the Donegal crowd’s book and start my own confidential snitch-line for goings-on around north Cork, it’s like a gold mine for the bit of sca. (It’s all on again between Veronica and the archdeacon.)
Anyway, there is some confusion over the phone numbers, and amn’t I after starting to get calls from whistle-blowers above in Donegal. Oh lads, bad cess to the accents on some of the lads, I’m driven wild from the auld lust. I’m thinking of making a trip up to meet one of them – is inter-county travel allowed if you’re nearly as horny as the woman from Scartaglin? — Rosealeen, Ballydesmond

I rang the Guards there and repeated your question, just as you asked it. The female guard said, I’m livid, I’m from Scartaglin. I said, I hear you, I’d be livid too if I was from Scartaglin. (She gave me a fine.)