Ask Audrey: She’s a total pervert, likes to tie me to the rad and pretend I’m from Glounthaune

Sorting out Cork people for ages

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

It’s getting suspicious on our WhatsApp group, Douglas Road Stunners Who Can Get You a Hair Appointment (Say Nothing). Fifi_WhiteRangeRover said there are basically two types of hot Moms now at the playground in the Japanese Gardens – you have stunners who got a VERY NOW bob haircut on the QT and then there’s badger look-alikes who’d do well to hold on to their husbands. Nicki_SlenderFingers said good observation Fifi, but Douglas Road Stunners aren’t allowed to go to the Japanese Gardens because it’s technically in Ballinlough and you wouldn’t know what you’d catch, so I propose a two-week suspension for you Fifi, soz babes nothing personal. Naomi_SoLonely said it’s great that Fifi is gone for two weeks because she only went to Regina Mundi, but she has a point, it’s haircuts or death now on the Douglas Road. I’m looking amazing myself after my three hours with a top stylist, but the worry now is that some jealous bitch will shop me to the curtain twitchers. I’m thinking of pretending I’m a stylist and did it myself — but like, is it ever OK for someone on the Douglas Road to pretend to be a hairdresser.

— Jenni, Douglas Road