Bernard O'Shea: How hard could it be to give up sugar for a week? 

YouTube Addict? Yes. Coffee Addict? Definitely, But Sugar Addict? Surely I could easily go without sugar for a week?

Bernard O'Shea. Photograph Moya Nolan

I remember preparing for my First Holy Communion and being told that “God is everywhere”.

However, a quick online search reveals that, in fact, it's sugar that’s everywhere. Cutting out the treats wouldn’t be enough to set sail on my sugar detox voyage alone. 

Unanimously, every article on the web pointed towards reading labels. I didn’t mind. I love reading labels. 

My youth was spent reading the ingredients of Corn Flakes boxes. If only “Where would you find riboflavin ?” came up on the Leaving Cert I would have gotten As. 

I've also noticed that I’m one of the remaining few that not just orders dessert when I’m out but insists on it. 

I was beginning to feel ashamed about it. I could envision a day where like smokers, dessert eaters would be banished outside for fear of anyone with a half-decent BMI being infected with passive sucrose spittle.

With lockdown, I could hide my sugary shame. Once the kids fell asleep I gorged myself on ice-cream. I pilled on the pounds. 

Thus the benefits were obvious and plentiful, more energy, better gut health and most importantly for me, weight loss.

The downside was it took an hour to do my first “sugar-free” shop. I used to look at people reading packages of pre-prepared rice and think “they need to get out more” but guess what? It has sugar in it. 

So had everything in my trolley apart from an angry headed cauliflower. It looked at me and snidely said like a Bond villain: “Ah-ha, Mr O’Shea we meet again, it's … been a while”.

I knew I would have to plan my meals and worse, prepare them. For the first three days, I inadvertently had sugar without realising it in sardines, couscous, and soup. 

I eventually decided to eat the same three meals for seven days. 

Avocado, cheese and tomatoes for breakfast. 

Chicken, broccoli and cauliflower for lunch, and boiled rice or potato with veg and meat/fish for dinner. 

I would learn this is what’s called “a normal diet”.  

My week played out like Craig David’s seven days. I didn’t find it very hard on Monday. 

I was a little bit cranky on Tuesday. 

My wife told me to leave the house on Wednesday. 

I had a headache for the first time in my life on Thursday. 

I was really tired on Friday. 

I felt a bit better on Saturday and on Sunday I went for a seven-mile walk and decided I would have a six-pack by February.

There were five side effects that I found genuinely astonishing for such a short space of time.

I drank buckets of water. 

I wasn’t thirsty. I just never realised how much fizzy drinks I consumed.

I began to enjoy coffee and started drinking tea again. 

I always have a biscuit or cake when I have a coffee. They are inseparable in my life. In fact, I could never understand when someone would offer you a cup of tea and just give you a cup of tea. There is nothing as bad as visiting a house and bringing a box of Ferrero Rocher or chocolate biscuits only for your host to put them away. These people should have points put on their driving license. However, I stopped eating them and began to drink tea when I felt the urge for something sugary.

I weed a lot. 

Between the extra water and tea, I was constantly spending a penny.

The taste of food changed. 

I started to taste sugar in my mash potatoes and by Saturday the stalks of broccoli on my plate might as well have been Chupa Chups.

I had more energy. 

Not the type of energy needed to get me to clean the driveway or as my loving wife suggested “With all this extra energy could you use it to unload the dishwasher ?” But a strange “normal energy”. The type of energy that you don’t mind taking out the bins or rushing to stop your two-year-old from trying to eat the goldfish for the third time that hour. And I did empty the dishwasher and load it for five days in a row! Does this make me a hero? Yes, yes it does Lorna.

On the negative side, I notice how much I quell my children’s tantrums with treats. I’m not a parent that refuses to give the kids sweets. 

On the contrary, without chocolate in the house I wouldn’t be able to mind them for fear of a toddler riot breaking out.

 “What do we want? Freddo Bars… when do we want them ? NOW. Or else your sanity gets it”. 

I’m that parent in the supermarket that lets the kids open the Coco Pops before you even think about getting to the checkouts. 

They love fruit but I reward them with treats especially if I need them to be quiet and during the lockdowns, this happened a lot. 

So much so that last week when I was writing this article I put my laptop on the kitchen table and my six-year-old Olivia said: “Before you tell us to be quiet Dad, get the Nutella.” 

Now instead of shouting “If you stay quiet you can have a Tangle Twister” I say somewhat calmly: “If you stay quiet for twenty minutes I’ll bring you and Tadhg for an extra-long cycle.” 

But did I lose weight? Yes, nearly a full pound. 

So by the time February rolls around, I should have at least one tier of six-pack formed. 

Watch out Peter Andre circa 1995, I’m coming for you.