How to spot the subtle signs of an eating disorder in your child

Wanting to eat alone, spending too much time in the bathroom, and excessive exercise may be indicators.

Eating disorders can often have rather obvious red flags, but many more subtle signs can go unnoticed

Tue, 30 Jun, 2026 - 02:00

Helen O’Callaghan

Eating disorders have obvious signs: Eating less, avoiding meals, cutting out whole food groups, becoming anxious about eating, or fear of weight gain.

But these bigger red flags can be hidden behind subtler signs. We asked three experts to talk about behaviours that may signal an eating disorder in children, but which are often missed by parents and caregivers.

Early signs indicating distress

Anne Gaynor, clinical manager of the Eating Disorder Centre Cork, says an eating disorder is a mental health issue, and by the time a parent notices behaviours with food, the child’s thinking has been in place for a long time.

Gaynor says: “Do pick up on comments they might make about their body, comparisons they might make, such as, ‘Am I as thin as my friend?’ Somebody who develops an eating disorder has an over-evaluation of their sense of self based on how they look. They might say, ‘I don’t want to wear that because I feel fat, ugly’.

“It might be harmless, but watch how big an effect it has on them when they say this. Do they get really upset by it? Does their whole mood change?”

Emma Murphy, founder and CEO of Eating Freely and a psychotherapist specialising in disordered eating, says some children constantly body-check. “Others avoid their body completely. Both can be signs of body distress.”

Emma Murphy: Some children constantly check their body and others avoid their body. Both can be signs of a problem.

Parents may notice mirror-checking, pinching of parts of the body, frequent weighing, asking for reassurance, comparing of bodies online, and avoidance of photos. “They may wear baggy clothes, hide their body, refuse to be seen changing, or become unusually distressed by clothes fitting differently.”

Preoccupation with being ‘fit and healthy’

Gaynor urges parents to notice a child becoming rigid around food information. “They might [hear] that carbohydrates should be eaten in moderation. Most children will be able to assimilate that information, and think, ‘Ah, but I still like my carbs’.

“But a proportion will have very black-and-white thinking. They’ll interpret it as ‘carbs are bad’ and cut out a food group. A child who previously loved potatoes and bread is now saying, ‘No, I don’t like them’.”

Murphy says when a child or teen fixates on the purity and quality of food — all their food needs to be organic or non-processed — they are giving themselves a rule-book that allows them to cut out a lot of food.

“It can present as being ‘fit and healthy’, but, underneath, the concern or intent is to control or lose weight. That’s when it’s disordered.”

A genuine interest in nutrition and healthy eating is not a problem, Murphy says. “It becomes concerning when food choices become rigid, cutting out whole food groups, only eating a small range of foods, and becoming socially isolated because of their food rules, like not wanting to go to other people’s houses to eat, or socialise at events where food is included.”

Harriet Parsons: Kids have many ways to hide that they're not eating, but their behaviour is not deceptive, it is fearful

Bodywhys CEO Harriet Parsons says when she hears a ‘should’, she always wonders what’s behind it. She encourages parents to be similarly curious if they start hearing, ‘I should eat that’, or ‘I shouldn’t eat this’, or, in relation to exercise, ‘I should do it’, or ‘I can’t not do it’.

Exercise becoming compulsive

This can be missed as a symptom because exercise is usually framed as positive. Warning signs that it is compulsive include distress if they can’t exercise, exercising despite illness or injury, exercising immediately after eating, needing to ‘burn off’ food, or becoming anxious on rest days. Parsons says: “Can they rest, stop, or take a break without panic or guilt? It’s about the intent and the rigidity.”

Masking and hiding

The crust from their toast is on the plate, but the rest of the slice is in the bin. There’s milk in the bottom of their bowl, but you can’t recall them pouring in the cereal.

“Breakfast is often a meal that young people eat on their own; there’s a lot of activity going on with the family trying to get out of the house,” says Parsons, so a child’s not eating can easily be missed.

Maybe you notice your child pushing food around their plate and don’t realise they’re hiding high-calorie items under their salad. Parsons says parents underestimate the opportunities children have to hide food rather than eat it.

“You’re sitting down to dinner and you get up to [fetch] a glass of water. Kids can then hide food in pockets and up sleeves. Or the dog might be given more than just a scrap from the table,” says Parsons, who urges parents not to view this behaviour as deceptive or manipulative, but to see it as fearful.

“If you only focus on the hiding of the food, the young person gets very defensive; lines of communication aren’t kept open.”

Excuses for not eating

Are you hearing a lot of, ‘I ate at so-and-so’s house’, or ‘I had something earlier before training’, or ‘I’m not hungry’?

“Lots of excuses to avoid eating at home or eating with the family is not a red flag like dramatic weight loss, but it can be a less obvious sign,” says Parsons.

Gaynor says a parent might suddenly realise, ‘I haven’t seen her eat a meal here in a while’, because they’ve ‘eaten at school’, or are going to a friend’s and ‘will eat there’. She says this is fine, if it is occasional. “But if your instinct is telling you something has changed and there may be a problem, trust that.”

Boys are more easily overlooked

The American Psychological Association reported in 2024 that males now comprise about one-third of eating disorder diagnoses, but noted that they have historically been excluded from research and overlooked in diagnosis.

“Boys can go under the radar,” says Murphy. With boys, she says, there can be an obsession with muscle or leanness. “Parents should watch for a boy becoming preoccupied with being too small, too soft, not muscular enough, not lean enough, or needing visible abs. He may spend lots of time checking his body in mirrors, comparing himself to influencers, measuring muscles, avoiding certain clothes, or becoming distressed if he misses training.

“Maybe he wants to lift weights all the time, or changes his sport and wants to go to the gym, or is spending excessive amounts of time in the gym.”

She says disordered eating is harder to spot in boys. “It may sound like: ‘I’m cutting’, ‘I’m bulking’, ‘I need to get lean’, ‘I’m only eating meat’ or they’re on a ‘Keto’ or ‘Paleo ‘diet. They may say, ‘I need more protein’, ‘I’m not eating carbs’, or ‘I’m getting shredded’.”

Be concerned, says Murphy, if it becomes rigid, anxious, obsessive, secretive, or socially limiting.

Bathroom behaviours after meals

These include spending unnecessarily long periods in the bathroom after eating, flushing repeatedly, running taps or showers, using mouthwash or brushing teeth immediately after meals, or wanting privacy straight after eating.

“These can be warning signs of purging behaviours,” says Murphy, who cautions that one sign on its own doesn’t mean a child is purging. “But if bathroom patterns change alongside food anxiety, secrecy, or weight and body preoccupation, parents should take it seriously.”

Being dictated to by fitness trackers and wearable devices

“Be curious if they’re getting too obsessed with wearables,” says Gaynor. “If they’re looking for certainty and getting caught up in numbers and ‘definiteness’ — like, ‘I’m not going to stop doing this exercise ’til my [tracker] tells me I’ve burned so many calories’ — do wonder about that.”

One subtle sign on its own may not necessarily be anything to worry about, say the experts, but if you notice a cluster of troubling behaviours, it might be time for a conversation with your child.

Help is out there

Here are some resources you may find useful if you are worried your child may be suffering from an eating disorder