Joanna Fortune: My family want to get a puppy but I'm not so sure 

You first need to observe your children’s capacity for empathy, kindness, compassion, and responsibility before you can judge their readiness to have a dog.

I’ve been under pressure from my husband and two children for years to get a puppy. Up until now, I’ve said no as I know only too well that I will be the one left with the responsibility of looking after it. 

But now the children are older — 10 and 13 —I’m reconsidering. How can I negotiate with the whole family about sharing the caring load, including the cleaning up?

This is a highly relatable conversation in so many of our homes. 

We know that having a dog has many benefits for children, such as teaching them to be kind, developing empathy by taking care of another being, and beginning to understand that others have feelings separate from our own.

It is also an excellent opportunity to develop independence and responsibility skills, which, in turn, can boost confidence and enhance the capacity for compassion towards others. But these positives can only happen when the ground rules are established.

You first need to observe your children’s capacity for empathy, kindness, compassion, and responsibility before you can judge their readiness to have a dog. 

They should be old enough to understand the basic rules (safety and care) of owning a dog and show a level of maturity that enables them to be kind, gentle, and respectful of the dog’s needs.

You will all need to understand that you will be bringing a dog into your home as a permanent family member, which will require a significant commitment from all of you.

I’m sure you have said all of this many times, and when your family are blinded by their desire for a dog, they will agree to everything in theory without necessarily following through in practice once the dog is there.

Have you ever had other family pets? A goldfish or a hamster, perhaps? This would allow you to see how everyone can uphold their commitments, albeit with a lower-maintenance pet.

Or perhaps explore fostering a dog, as it isn’t a permanent arrangement but still requires the same care commitments from everyone and would show you whether your family mean what they say when they claim readiness for dog ownership.

I would also suggest that you start visiting animal shelters or dog rescue centres so they can talk with staff and volunteers and hear about the challenges from someone other than
yourself.

Organisations such as dogstrust.ie run educational events (including online) for children and adults to teach and prepare them about owning a dog. These typically require a level of commitment from all family members at the outset and allow you to see again whether they are truly ready for this.

I would also like you to sit and think through your own feelings about getting a dog. It sounds like you have doubts, and these may well stem from anticipating a lack of support at home or perhaps you’re already overburdened with family commitments.

You all need to be in the right place to welcome a new family member and it is OK if you don’t feel that you have the capacity to take on any more right now, whether the others are prepped to commit or not.

Give yourself permission to say: “Not now.”

• If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail]