What to do if your child has bad dreams and how to establish a sleep routine over Christmas

With routine, sleep patterns, and eating habits falling by the wayside over the coming weeks, there are steps to take to help your child to deal with bad dreams, writes Deirdre McArdle

Pic: iStock

We’re coming into the hectic run-up to Christmas. In the midst of all the excitement, treats, and stimulation of the Christmas season, some young children can find it difficult to unwind. 

Well-worn bedtime routines can go out the window as family visits, parties, and pantos take precedence for a few weeks. All of this means children can be more vulnerable to sleep phenomena like nightmares.

Children can start having nightmares from the age of two. This is when they begin to be more aware of themselves and their environment. 

This is a normal part of childhood, and is not an indicator that anything is wrong, explains sleep consultant and author Lucy Wolfe. 

“Sleep is when we process everything, and dreaming, as we know, is the unconscious. From the age of around two children start to put things together.” 

You never know what’s going to show up in your child’s nightmare. A character in a book you read to them, who in the light of day may appear completely harmless, can appear sinister in their dreams. 

My own daughter had a nightmare recently about being shrunk down and going inside a body, not dissimilar to the plot of Innerspace. 

She had seen it in a show she watches, and at the time, thought it was funny. Little were we to know that it would show up later in her nightmares and frighten her so much.

It’s not always going to be obvious what frightens your child, says Ms Wolfe. 

“As adults, we are looking through a slightly different lens than our children, and we need to be mindful of that. Keep an eye on the programmes they watch and make sure to minimise their exposure to the news, for example.”

From the age of five, nightmares may become a bit more common among children. That’s because they’re typically starting school, a whole new phase of their lives. 

They will be experiencing a new social dynamic, being in a classroom, and learning new things. It can be overwhelming and difficult to process.

Wolfe suggests asking your children to write down or talk about two things they liked about their day, and then chat about those things. 

“Dreams are often a reflection of what’s happened during the day, so by giving them an opportunity to talk about that we can help them unload and process these things.”

Sleep consultant and author Lucy Wolfe.

Help your child have an undisturbed sleep

The couple of hours between 5pm and 7pm are chaotic, at least in our house. There is so much to pack into that short time. 

Dinner needs to be made and eaten (no mean feat), a little bit of family time — in our case, a walk with the dog, bath time, and then the bedtime routine. 

It can be stressful, and instead of helping our kids wind down, we can sometimes inadvertently wind them up.

Wolfe suggests looking at what absolutely needs to be done in the evening and working back from that. 

“The evening time is a real competition of needs,” she says. “Sometimes it’s not possible to do everything.” 

It’s generally recommended to avoid eating a substantial meal within two hours of bedtime as food needs about two hours to digest. 

A small supper just before bedtime is OK, but keep it simple — a cup of warm milk or a banana are a nice snack and can help encourage a good night’s sleep, according to Wolfe.

Cutting down on sugary treats is also a good idea. Foods with high amounts of sugar are a stimulant — as any parent who watched their kids snaffle down their Halloween treats can tell you. 

As we approach the Christmas season, treats are plentiful, and difficult as it is, it’s best to limit the amount your children eat, particularly close to bedtime.

Keep the temperature in the bedroom cool. As we come into the colder months it’s tempting to crank the heating up, and pile on the layers of bedding, but we should resist. 

“If the room is too hot, it leaves children more vulnerable to disturbed sleep — nightmares and night terrors. Make sure the temperature is slightly cooler in their bedroom,” says Wolfe.

Coping with nightmares

So you’ve taken all these common sense steps but your child still wakes up crying in the middle of the night, woken up by a nightmare. What next?

Reassurance is your best tool, says Wolfe. “You need to reassure your child that you are there for them. You shouldn’t ask them too many questions about the nightmare at this time. The goal is to help them go back to sleep themselves.” 

There are a few different coping tools you can give your child. A touchstone, something physical that is within their reach can help them to calm down. 

Think a special pebble or shell, or a little crafty thing you’ve worked on together. We have a little crystal on my daughter’s bedside table with a tiny fairy inside it. We tell her that the fairy watches over her as she sleeps.

“A family photo or a hand print is a nice way to ensure your child feels connected to you if they wake up from a nightmare,” says Wolfe. 

“They can place their hand in your hand prints and feel that connection. You want to make them feel secure in their environment so a night light can also be helpful.” 

While it may be tempting to cuddle in next to your child until they fall back to sleep, this is like double jeopardy, says Wolfe. 

Your child may become reliant on you to soothe them back to sleep, and could start to enjoy the fact that you’re there.

Ultimately, you want to give your child the ability to cope with the nightmare themselves. You can reinforce your reassurance during the day too. It’s easier to talk in more detail about their nightmares in the daytime, and this is when you can give them an additional coping strategy.

“You can control the ending” is a mantra Wolfe uses with her clients. You can phrase this in a way that makes sense to your child, but what you’re trying to tell them is that they can choose the ending of the story. 

The story is of course their dream, and you’re telling them they have the power to change how the story goes. Practise this during the day by creating stories and having your child edit the endings.

Frequent nightmares can have a detrimental effect on your child’s sleep, and naturally, their behaviour during the day. 

By stepping in quickly to support them during their nightmares, limiting potential triggers during the day, and equipping them with a coping strategy, you’re setting them up to manage the nightmares themselves, so that even if they do have bad dreams, they can deal with them.