'You can’t push through grief': Coming to terms with the death of a parent

The death of a parent is one of the greatest sorrows an adult can face. The grieving process cannot be rushed — it has its own arc. In most cases, the support of close family members and friends is enough, but for some, professional help may be needed, writes Suzanne Harrington

Fri, 18 Apr, 2025 - 02:00

Suzanne Harrington

Death has two timings: Off time (when a child dies, or an adult dies young, resulting in traumatic bereavement), and on time, when a person dies at the end of their ‘natural’ lifespan (when granny dies in her 90s). We are expected to weather the latter more easily — after all, everyone dies eventually. They had a good innings. This is what we tell each other when an elderly parent dies.

So my ex-husband’s death in his 40s, by suicide, was a radically different experience from my father’s death in his 80s, from old age. The former created psychological shockwaves that required therapy; the latter simply made me sad every time I forgot he was dead and I went to phone him for a chat.