Ask Audrey: What measures are you taking for home-schooling? Three tonic to one of gin

Sorting out Cork people for ages

Hello old stock. Myself and Hoggy flew down to Nice yesterday to look at a new forty-footer. (That’s a yacht.) Unfortunately The Hogster got arrested for trying to buy 10,000 face masks off a gorgeous undercover cop, an absolute stunner, 10 out of 10. I had a bit more luck on the stunner front and ended up going home with a very open-minded woman from Cannes. Long story short, we woke up this morning to find France in lockdown, so now I’m living with her. The problem is she has no English and my only bit of French is voulez-vous couchez avec moi, which I can’t use any more because to honest, I’m wrecked. Could you recommend an app to learn some French?

— Reggie, Blackrock Road, any chance you’d tell my wife Marjorie that the NCT is due on the Jag?