Ask Audrey: My friend moved to Carrigaline after a series of very poor life choices

Hi gang, Audrey here. I pulled a few strings in the River Lee Hotel and got them to host a Christmas Coffee Morning for a selection of the misfortunates who write in to me every week. I thought it would be nice to put a face to the name, and then I saw the faces. I know we’re an ugly race and everything, but there is no need for this. Anyway, what’s your problem?

Hello old stock, I’ve just heard about this festival called The Wren that they have in Dingle on Stephen’s Day. It’s basically a gang of people in fancy dress on an all day pub-crawl, no shortage of cross-dressing. I said it straight out to Hoggy — that sounds like us when were playing for Cork Con! He said, Reggie, let’s go. So we’re hot to trot, do you know what we should wear? — Reggie, Blackrock, I’m on my second liver.