Ask Audrey: 'Cairo is basically Limerick with a few pyramids'

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This was the weekend I was supposed to be inducted into RRWAP (Rochestown Road Women Against Poverty - it’s a charity that laughs at poor people.) Unfortunately, they ran a background check and discovered my dark secret. You see, 14 years ago, I won a makeover competition o where they plucked some poor misfortunate from Fairhill and turned her into a southsider. It was great, they taught me to say “excited about” instead of “excited for”, and also the importance of crossing Patrick Street so you don’t get sucked into Penneys. Anyway Chloe, the head of RRWAP, says if I don’t give her the keys to my house to Crookhaven she’s going to hire a plane to fly over the Rochestown Road with a banner saying, “Tina is a Norry”. Do you think I should break her legs like? —Tina, Rochestown Road and Fairhill #Ashamed.

I couldn’t possibly condone violence. And listen, you’ve absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I know it isn’t Sundays Well or Blackrock, but there is nothing wrong with the Rochestown Road, (As long as the wind isn’t blowing from Passage.)