Ask Audrey: It's a shame to fly so far to see a dangerous wasteland – particularly when you live so close to Carrigaline

Hey. I’m rich but sound, which is why I bought a 2009 Opel for driving up to my tennis-outreach programme in Churchfield, because arriving up in my Merc SLK would be shouting “You people are beneath me” which is true in so many ways but there is no need to rub it in their faces. (And, lets eat some honesty beans here, they’d todally steal it.) Anyway I’m writing a book about my experiences called My Year Among the Norries, with a whole chapter on trying to make myself understood to people who say ‘I do be’ instead of ‘I am’. I think this book will appeal to anyone who wants to find out about the northside without going up there, which is a brilliant description of your average punter in Ballintemple. Do you think anyone else will buy it? — Ed, Ballintemple.

My cousin works in publishing because he’s terrified of making money. I asked him what he thought of your idea. He said that’s the worst book idea I’ve heard since The Sophisticated People of Knocknagree. I said, is that really a book? He said, it’s more of a flier really.